Total pages in book: 76
Estimated words: 70429 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 352(@200wpm)___ 282(@250wpm)___ 235(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 70429 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 352(@200wpm)___ 282(@250wpm)___ 235(@300wpm)
“THERE IS NO GOD!”
Then who’s throne am I sittin’ on?!
His hair blew back as she stood to her feet, casting a shadow so big, it swallowed the world.
IT AIN’T MINE! It’s the King’s! THE FATHER! The one you never had!
The room began to rattle with each word she uttered.
HOW CAN YOU BE SO SMART AND YET SO DUMB?! You’re talkin’ to a gold spirit! I wasn’t no ordinary woman in life, and I ain’t no ordinary ghost in death! I got high favor! Not everyone here can just pop up and come and go as they please. I can. I can come to you anytime I want to, so you keep messin’ around and wasting time if you want to, and I’ll wear you down until you ain’t nothin’ but dust! Let’s see where all that bravado and dog barkin’ gets you! I’ll strike you down dead before I let you keep going like you are. You can’t get over on me, baby! It won’t work!”
“What do you want?! That promise means nothing now!”
You lie to make people bleed.
“I lie only to people who can’t handle the truth.”
Well then, beloved, you might as well start lyin’ to yourself. You couldn’t handle the truth if it was in a basket. Wait. You already do a damn good job of lying to yourself already. You steal people’s sense of belonging. You have this way with words that knocks people to their knees. You’re a serpent with a forked tongue. I can see you, Caspian! I can hear you! I am listening both when you do speak and when you do not speak. Just like I could see through Legend and hear Axel. It’s all clear to me. The pain you have is so deep, it almost destroyed your beautiful brain! You’re letting it eat you alive. Fester. You are emotionless. Cold. You changed that day you witnessed your mother hanging from them rafters. You floated away with her… dressed up in her love…
“STOP IT!”
You went through such an atrocious trauma, that you began to believe your own lies! You blocked out important parts of the story. The bits that didn’t sit right with you… the fragments that were made of glass—a reflection of yourself. You called it fake news. You told yourself that people leave. You told yourself you could trust no one. You told yourself you were unlovable ’cause your mama didn’t stay around when you needed her most. You believed YOU were the reason she was gone. That she hated you so much, she saw no other way out! The lies we tell ourselves! The stories we write in our heads! Fiction! You don’t know who yo’ daddy is.
“…Shut up.”
You were raised by a good woman but she wasn’t yo’ mama. You resented Aunt Angel because she looked like yo’ mama, tried to love you like your mama, but refused to accept that she could NEVER be half as good as yo’ mama… and you wished she was dead instead! Well, now she is. How do you feel?
“I SAID SHUT UP!!!”
You hated Noah … and you’d do mean, nasty, cruel things to him! He never knew it was you… you sneaky, dark soul! I. SAW. YOU! I saw all the old films right here from my chair! You messing up somethin’ he’d clean up, then he’d get in trouble for it. You ruined his favorite shirt. Smiled when he cried! No one knew you were doing it… shame on you! It’s deeper than children bein’ children. You wanted to crush that boy’s spirit… ’Cause your soul was dormant. Closed mouth, but a busy mind.
HE LOOKED UP TO YOU! HE THINKS YOU’RE THE CLOSEST THANG TO GOD! HE KEPT CHECKIN’ THE WINDOW TO SEE WHEN YOU’D PULL UP TODAY. HE CALLED YOU BEFORE ANYONE ELSE WHEN HIS MAMA TOOK HER LAST BREATH! HOW DARE YOU SIT THERE AND TELL ME THERE’S NO GOD WHEN HE PUT THOSE BLUE STARS IN YOUR EYES!!! SHAME! SHAME! SHAME!
A tear rolled down his face. He cradled himself and began to rock.
You resented Axel, believing he was mentally stronger than you. You resented Legend because he made friends so easily, he didn’t care what nobody thought of him, and people swarmed around him like bees to honey! All that charisma and that big ol’ smile of his to hide his suffering!
Then there was you… the quiet one. The one with the ice blue eyes and bruised heart and soul. The one with the brains, but no power. The one with the brawn, but no strength. The one who hated the world and wanted to burn it down to the ground! You’ve hated everyone since the day your mama left. You blamed everyone, not just yourself, for her passing. You inflicted pain with your beautiful mind and horrible deeds. I know that’s not who you really are though, Caspian. You’re a good boy!