Total pages in book: 105
Estimated words: 99960 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 500(@200wpm)___ 400(@250wpm)___ 333(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 99960 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 500(@200wpm)___ 400(@250wpm)___ 333(@300wpm)
Truthfully, I’d never considered the pressures my dad must be under to live up to himself. Probably because he never gave the impression that he felt any pressure. But, of course, he did. He was only human. The thing about being a human, though, was that it wasn’t perfect. It was messy. It was ugly and painful. And you couldn’t always have what you wanted. Choices had to be made.
“I think you have to choose, Dad. Ari’s right. It would be different if you and Mamma were on the same page. That you both wanted an open marriage. But she loves you and just you. Burying your heads in the sand and pretending there are no affairs … it was always going to end badly.”
“I know.” He gave me a tremulous sigh. “I’m really sorry, kid.”
“I know you’re not a bad guy, Dad,” I whispered tearfully. “You’re just human. And we’re complicated.”
“Do … do you think we’ll ever be able to start over? You and me?”
I nodded, my tears slipping freely now. “I think so.” Getting up from the table, I crossed the room and Dad stood to enfold me in his arms. It was the first time in ten years I’d hugged him for real and not for show in front of cameras or Aria. “Thank you for telling the truth.”
He squeezed me hard. “You don’t need to thank me for that.”
After what felt like a long time, Dad reluctantly released me. He captured my face between his palms and said, “I’m sorry if what your mother said to Jared messed things up. But the man who confronted me last night didn’t give a shit about who I was. All he cared about was you. Jared isn’t that angry at me over someone he doesn’t care about.”
Determination fired my blood. “I’m going to fight for what I want. You should go figure out what it is you want.”
“I’m proud of you, kid.”
Those words hurt, but in a good way this time. Neither of my parents had said those words to me in forever. I needed to hear them. Not just because I wanted that from my dad, but because it made me realize something that fixed a little broken piece of me. “I’m proud of me too.”
Thirty-Six
Allegra
Itried to check on Mamma before I left the house, but she wouldn’t open her bedroom door. Life was too short to hang on to resentment, and I didn’t want to feel that way toward her anymore. Yes, I was pissed that she’d come between me and Jared. But we’d let her. Jared and I were as much to blame.
Right now I only had room in my heart for compassion for Mamma. I whispered through the door that I loved her and I was there for her if she needed me. As I walked out of the beach house and got into my Wrangler, I hoped Mamma finally decided to do what was best for her. I’d told Dad he needed to choose, but he wasn’t the only one. Mamma had to choose him back, and I’d support her, no matter her decision.
It was unfair of me to judge her for staying in the relationship. Love was messy. People were all over social media screaming their relationship opinions at each other as if emotions were capable of sticking within the strict lines of moral black-and-white zones. In reality, all the gray space in the middle was a pool of emotions sinking and swimming, sinking and swimming, never really quite making it out of there. When would people realize that humans are too complicated to be forced to feel anything but the way we felt?
We didn’t have to like those feelings, but we should try to understand. As I stared up at my parents’ beach house, that’s what I tried to do. I tried to see past my own hurt and understand Mamma and Dad. And hope for the best for them.
As I drove away, I hit Jared’s number on my phone. My heart pounded. Because I’d already seen past my hurt with my husband, and I think I understood.
We were just two scared people who didn’t mean to fall in love.
But we had.
Relief flooded me as he answered in three rings. “Allegra?” He exhaled my name, sounding unbearably relieved.
“I’m coming back.”
Another heavy sigh of relief. “Aye. Good. I’m … I fucked up. I don’t want this to end,” he confessed hoarsely. “I just … I was trying to protect myself from getting hurt down the line and I fucked up. I’m sorry.”
Tenderness was a sharp ache in my chest. “So what? We’re all a little fucked-up, Jared.”
“Aye?” he asked hopefully.
“We’ll talk when I get home.”
He hesitated. “Home?”
I smiled at the security guards as they let me out of the estate. “I don’t want a break. I think my butt-hurt reaction to the suggestion probably clued you into that. So yeah, I’m coming home.”