Total pages in book: 105
Estimated words: 99960 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 500(@200wpm)___ 400(@250wpm)___ 333(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 99960 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 500(@200wpm)___ 400(@250wpm)___ 333(@300wpm)
“Allegra!” Jared followed me. “That’s not what happened! And you can’t drive in this state!”
Yanking open the driver’s door, I wiped the tears he didn’t deserve off my face and hissed, “Why not? You might get lucky and I crash. Then I’d be dead and you’d inherit all my money. It’s all you really wanted from me, anyway, right?”
“Fuck you!” His face suddenly mottled with rage and pain. “Don’t ever fucking say that!”
Jared rarely raised his voice, so for a moment, it shocked me into silence. Enough to give me a moment to breathe. To speak without fury inciting my words. “Tell me the truth, then.”
Blinking with surprise at my sudden change in tone, Jared straightened. “Truth?”
“My truth is what you’ve always known. Which makes your suggestion for taking a break completely stupid. I married you because I was desperate to stay here. In this place that I love. This place that nowhere compares to.” Fresh tears fell down my face. “So your excuse that we come from different worlds and that I’ll maybe get bored, it makes no sense. Right?”
“Fuck.” He rubbed a hand over his beard. “I … I … I don’t know.”
A tiny spark of hope lit in my chest. “My parents said something. Didn’t they?”
He nodded. “It wasn’t just them, though. It was seeing you in that world …” His expression tightened. “You didn’t just live here, Allegra. You were constantly traveling. Finding inspiration in new places. Scotland was just your home base. And what I said still counts. My life is here. The farm is here. I can’t up and leave whenever you fancy. You come from a world of parties and travel and art. I come from a world where I had to hold a knife to my dad’s fucking throat to get him to admit he was killing animals on my farm.”
“Jared—”
“There is a possibility that long term isn’t in the cards for us.” He shrugged unhappily. “We are so different. Eventually, one of us could remember that. Isn’t it better to take some time to really think about it, instead of possibly hurting each other later on?”
That hope didn’t just extinguish. It felt like my entire chest caved in on it. “I’m hurt now. Because the idea of taking a break from us kills me. The fact that you would even suggest it tells me we are in totally different places.” I brushed impatiently at my tears and climbed into my car.
Jared caught the door before I could shut it. His eyes blazed. “What you said … about last night … I wasn’t using you. I’d never use you.”
“Were you thinking of ‘taking a break’ last night?”
He swallowed hard but nodded.
That knowledge tainted everything about our night. “Then you should never have touched me. What I gave you”—my words shook—“was not yours anymore. And it was wrong that only you knew that.”
Pain shone in his eyes. “I don’t want to let go. I wasn’t using you. I’m just trying to be smart here. For us both.”
“Do you love me?” I asked bluntly.
Jared glanced away, something indiscernible working behind his eyes. “I’m not saying anything that will manipulate you. Because I need you to really think about this. For both of us,” he repeated.
I expected to feel more incredible, unbearable pain at his refusal to admit how he felt. Instead, I just felt numb. I reached out to shut the door but the gold band on my finger caught my attention. Calmly, I removed it and tossed it at his feet. “You want a break? Here it is. I’d rather get kicked out of the country than stay married to you. You’ll be hearing from my lawyer.” I grabbed the door out of his hand and slammed it shut.
As I spun the car around and wiped at more tears that silently leaked out of my eyes with no sign of stopping, I made the mistake of looking in my rearview.
Jared lowered to his haunches to pick up the ring. He didn’t get up. And as I drove out of sight, I’d never felt more confused by anything in my life.
Usually relationships ended with clearly defined reasons.
But I didn’t even think Jared knew why he’d suggested we break things off between us. Okay, so he’d suggested a break. But he might as well have dumped me. Suggesting a break was the same fucking thing!
It didn’t matter either way.
The end result was the same.
Because if he loved me as much as I loved him, he could never do this to me.
Thirty-Four
Jared
Icouldn’t stop shaking.
As I strode back into the farmhouse, Allegra’s wedding band burning in my palm, it felt like every muscle in my body was tremoring.
The house echoed as I walked aimlessly through it.
All day I’d felt certain about what I needed to do. That I needed to suggest some time apart so we could know for sure that marriage was what we wanted. Fuck, what Allegra wanted. I already knew I wanted it.