Total pages in book: 62
Estimated words: 57240 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 286(@200wpm)___ 229(@250wpm)___ 191(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 57240 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 286(@200wpm)___ 229(@250wpm)___ 191(@300wpm)
“Nick what are you doing?”
“Reclaiming my life.” I didn’t have to explain that to her. I was sure she knew exactly what I was saying.
I wouldn’t trade the time I’d had with my son, but there was no way I was ever letting her get away from me again.
“Have a look around, let me know if there’s anything you want changed.”
“Nick, you can’t just walk back into my life without warning and expect we’re going to pick up where we left off. I have a life.”
“Yes I know, and I know thirteen years ago I hurt you and I’m sorry, but I can’t, no I won’t live another day without you. I’m not going to let you go again Shelly. There’s nothing you can say to make that happen.”
She walked away when I reached for her and I let her, for now. She turned to look at me once she was what she thought was a safe distance away.
“That’s all old news, we’ve both moved on with our lives, this is crazy…”
“Shelly, before you say anything else remember, I know you. I know everything about you. I know how you feel in my arms. I know what it means when you tremble for me, the way you still do.” She swallowed hard and looked away.
“None of that matters anymore, we can’t go back in time and change the past.” She wrapped her arms around herself and started to pace. Nothing had changed. She used to do the same thing when we were young. It’s what she did whenever she had something on her mind.
“The hell we can’t. Look, I fucked up. I robbed us of the life we were supposed to have. But you will never convince me that you don’t still love me because I never stopped loving you.”
The tears started then. Big fat tears that gathered in her eyes before rolling down her cheeks. If there was one thing I could never handle, it’s her tears.
I walked over and took her into my arms, my heart hurting for her and for me. For the two young people we used to be. “Please don’t cry. I don’t think I can bear it if I make you shed one more tear over me.” I held her head against my chest, so precious.
“I hate you.” She tried pushing me away but I held on even tighter.
“I know.” I kissed her hair, just happy to have her back in my arms again after all this time even though she wanted to kill my ass.
She fought me, pounding her tiny fists into my back, but I refused to let go even when she screamed epithets at me in between heartbreaking tears.
“Shh, baby, you’re breaking my heart.” When she didn’t stop I spoke to her softly saying all the things a man in my position could possibly say at a time like this. Hoping I would get through to her somehow.
We’d hashed out a lot of this in the beginning when shit first went to hell for us. She’d poured out all the hurt and betrayal back then. Words that have haunted me from time to time over the years.
Knowing that I’d bruised the heart of the one person I’d loved more than anything had almost destroyed me. Now I was hoping we could pick up the pieces and move on.
“I never meant to hurt you. I would’ve taken it all back if I could, but I had to be there for my son. I never gave my heart to anyone else I promise. But I had to be there for him because he was innocent in all this. Don’t hate me anymore please. I don’t think I could stand it if you did.”
A little bit of the old me cracked the surface and a glimmer of light shone through the darkness that I had become.
“I don’t really hate you, I’ve never hated you.” Her voice held so much pain, so much raw emotion, but her words were like balm to my damaged soul.
“I came close…you destroyed me Nick. We were supposed to have a life together. You made that life with someone else. You had a child, the child that was supposed to be ours, to be mine…”
She broke down and had I not been holding her up would’ve fallen to her knees, and my heart shattered into a million pieces.
“I’m so sorry, so sorry Princess. Forgive me, I love you.” I closed my eyes as those words washed over me. It had been so long since I’d said them out loud, said them to her.
“I missed you sweetbaby.” She cried harder and louder and tried pulling out of my arms.
“What-what is it?” I pulled her head back and looked down at her tear stained face.
“Sweetbaby, I haven’t heard that in so long I never thought never…” She started hyperventilating and I worked on calming her down.