Total pages in book: 62
Estimated words: 57240 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 286(@200wpm)___ 229(@250wpm)___ 191(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 57240 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 286(@200wpm)___ 229(@250wpm)___ 191(@300wpm)
They couldn’t afford to lose me, especially now, when the city was in such an uproar. Not to mention the fact that the citizens of our fair city wouldn’t look too kindly on them if they fired the man who’d just lost his family while serving them.
And believe me I’d let that shit be known along with a whole list of shit that could get a lot of people fired or worse. He looked back at me as if taking my measure.
He lost the staring match before he too cleared his throat and with a nod, headed for the exit. He stopped in the doorway without looking back. I guess he hadn’t said all he’d come to say.
“You know son-you’ve changed. You’re a good cop a damn good man. I would hate to see this turn you into something you’re not. You took a hard loss, one of the worse this force has ever seen, but we need you to pull it together…”
I ignored his stupid ass as I was once again confounded by the stupidity of people. It brought home to me just how meaningless those words were.
It reminded me of each time I’d had the unenviable task of notifying someone that their loved one had been taken in some pointless manner. Telling them how sorry I was for their loss, and how empty that fucking sentiment really is.
No words can ever, will ever ease the pain that gets under your skin and into your gut. Nothing can take away the stark pain you feel when you wake up in the morning and the light of your life is gone, snuffed out way too soon.
Nothing they can say or do will ever take the place of having my son here with me. Fuck off.
After he left, I was left alone. Where once the rest of the team would’ve been in my office reliving the takedown, now they all steered clear.
It had been this way since I came back, almost as if I wore a sign that screamed ‘stay the fuck back’. My colleagues had stopped making excuses for my new persona. They thought it was grief, burnout.
I knew there were whispers, knew there were also those who were just waiting for me to climb into that bottle and stay. I give a fuck.
I closed the file on my desk and watched the clock. The job that had once been my life was now just a means to an end. I can only keep the anger contained but for so long each day so I try not to hang around much after my shift was over.
No more putting in that extra hour here and there to kill time on those nights I couldn’t face Dee, and my son was already in bed or with his grandparents.
6
Nick
Knockoff time; time to get to work. I grabbed my jacket from the back of my chair and threw it over my shoulders. Walking through the bullpen I didn’t bother with any goodbyes. Fuck ‘em.
I had no stomach for their pitying looks and empty platitudes. I felt their eyes on me as I made my way to the door. As long as they did their job there was really nothing else that needed to be said.
I didn’t hate my men, not by a long shot, but they had no part in what I was doing, where my life was going. Maybe when I was satisfied, when I’d finally exacted vengeance on the ones on my hit list we can go back to having a drink after shift.
For now though it was best they keep their distance. I hadn’t burned any bridges but there was definitely a bit of a divide these days between me, and them. And because I knew what was coming soon, the shake-up that my actions would cause, it was best to leave things the way they are for now.
Outside, my ride looked out of place in the midst of all the sedans parked in the lot; another new staple. One of those things that made the people who thought they knew me go ‘what the fuck?’
I revved up and headed out. My gut did that grumbling shit again, reminding me once more that I hadn’t eaten anything. There was no time. There was no time these days for anything, nothing but vengeance and retribution.
That, and one more thing, that had become just as important. At least one of them I could put to rest soon. I had decided, tonight was the night.
At home, my new home, since the one I shared with my family had been blown to fuck in the explosion that took their lives; I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and headed for the garage.
Once my workout room was a cushy little room with all the latest bells and whistles. Now it was a dank corner in my garage. I needed it this way. It reminded me of where I was now, what my life was, what it had become. There was nothing soft in my life any more; that will come later.