Total pages in book: 145
Estimated words: 148397 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 742(@200wpm)___ 594(@250wpm)___ 495(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 148397 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 742(@200wpm)___ 594(@250wpm)___ 495(@300wpm)
Dropping my legs and going meek beneath him, it looked as if Henri took me against my will. The moment I surrendered, the truth I still hadn’t accepted shivered through me. Just the act of playing his captive made me wet and needy.
God, it felt so scandalous and dirty and…safe.
Safe now that I trusted him.
Safe now that I knew him.
Safe.
He sucked in a breath as he felt my shift, felt the flush of wetness inside me. “W-What are you doing?”
“Being honest with myself.” I licked my lips and stared at his mouth. “What if…what if I need you to hurt me? What if I’m exactly what you said I was…”
He went very, very still. “You’re not a masochist, Ily. I was seeing what I wanted to see. Trying to convince myself what I was doing wasn’t wrong.”
“It wasn’t wrong…not all of it.”
“You don’t mean that.”
I melted beneath him. “You asked what parts of me react at the thought of you punishing me. You asked if I would bow for you—”
“Stop it.” He clamped a hand over my mouth. “Don’t say something that isn’t true.”
Nipping at his palm, I smirked as he ripped his hand away. “The night of Emerald Bruises. When I was high and used you for sex—”
“Fuck.” His cock jerked inside me. “Don’t remind me. And you didn’t use me. Far from it. I felt like a monster for taking you in that condition.”
“I asked you to bite me. I couldn’t come until you did.”
“That doesn’t mean anything.”
“It does.” I smiled, so grateful I still could after what’d happened tonight. “I’m a Mercerchist. I’m your Mercerchist.”
His forehead furrowed. “I have no idea what that means.”
“It means…I hate pain from others. But with you? I…I like it. I like when you bruise me. When you treat me with violence, I feel your love beneath. Your love is painful. And now I know why.”
“Merde, you’re trying to kill me.” His hips jabbed into mine.
I gasped. “No. I’m just being honest.”
His eyes flashed. “You want honesty? Fine.” His hips rocked again, feeding me his throbbing hardness. “The taste of your tears. The moans of your pleasure. The knowledge that I hold your life in my hands? It turns me the fuck on, and…if you truly want to know the sick monster you’ve let into your bed, I probably wouldn’t be able to keep it up right now without the Viagra.” His kissed me hard, forcing me to choke on his words. “Being inside you this way is far too gentle and sweet. It’s scrambling my mind. I’m in love with you. You come first in everything, yet this…” He thrust, sharp and savage. “This wouldn’t be enough to satisfy me and that…fuck, that destroys me because you deserve gentle. You deserve sweet.”
“Isn’t that up to me to decide?”
“No. I can’t risk it. I…Christ, I can’t lose you. I refuse to do anything that might break you. I’d never forgive myself.”
“I won’t break, Henri.” I kissed him back. “I trust you not to go that far.”
“But that’s the thing.” He gave me a heartbreaking shrug. “I don’t trust myself.”
My mind scrambled for a way to give him what he needed.
We had to put on a performance for Victor, all while keeping our sanities intact. “You said the connection you felt when we played along when we first arrived frustrated you. That you didn’t like me obeying you, even though I’d agreed not to fight.”
His eyes narrowed. “Where are you going with this?”
“Let’s play a different game.” I shifted beneath him, my body humming for him to move, to take, to thrust. “I’ll fight you back. I’ll give you that fire. I’ll be unbroken all while you do your best to break me.”
“That sounds incredibly dangerous.”
“Khushi.”
“What?”
“It’s the nickname my brother calls me. It means happiness.” I kissed his ear. “I vow I’ll say it if you ever go too far. A safe word only we know. As long as I don’t say it, you need to trust me…just like I trust you. Trust that I can handle what you give me. Trust that I’m with you. Trust that I’m strong enough to play the games Victor expects you to play, and hopefully, if you distract him for long enough, then our plan will work, and we can go home.”
He didn’t say a damn thing.
Time ticked past before he cupped my cheek and stared deep into my eyes. “Vow on your life you will never, ever let me destroy you.”
The warnings came back from the astrologer.
“Destined to destroy each other.”
I nodded. “I vow it.”
“Fine.” He dropped his head and kissed me. His tongue slipped past my lips just as he withdrew and drove punishingly hard inside me.
I moaned into his mouth.
He thrust again, tortuously slow and sweet.
Threading his fingers through my hair, he held me down and took me.