Total pages in book: 53
Estimated words: 49669 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 248(@200wpm)___ 199(@250wpm)___ 166(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 49669 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 248(@200wpm)___ 199(@250wpm)___ 166(@300wpm)
It took Christopher a painfully long time to make a move. When he finally did, I let out a sigh of relief. Christopher tucked Pip in the crook of his right arm and took my hand with his left one. Neither of us spoke as I led him up the stairs to his room. When I pulled the covers back off the bed, toed my shoes off, and then got in it, I fully expected Christopher to panic. But to my surprise, he crawled in next to me. When I urged him into my arms so he could rest his head on my chest, he did it without hesitation. Pip ended up on my chest too, though he had Christopher’s hand to support him so he wouldn’t topple off during his nap.
“His name was Peter,” Christopher began on his own. “He transferred into the program a few weeks into the second semester. The girls I hung out with immediately accepted him into their circle. Our circle, I guess. I told myself I needed to keep my distance from the group, but I really didn’t want to. It felt like the group was the only normal thing in my life. Peter wasn’t a big guy or anything, so I guess that helped. It was clear that he was gay early on because he’d talk to the girls about his past boyfriends. He was pretty much an open book, and he seemed to know that I needed him to keep his distance. Eventually I started to feel safe enough to participate in the conversations, but I made sure I was never in a situation where I was alone with him.”
“But something changed,” I said. As much as I loved the feel of Christopher’s weight on my chest, I couldn’t really enjoy it because I knew what was coming.
Christopher nodded. “It was right before the holiday break. We were meeting up before everyone went home for Christmas. It ended up being a setup.”
“A setup?” I asked in confusion.
“Yeah, um, the girls made it so Peter and I were left alone for the coffee date. They’d decided to play matchmaker, and each one texted excuses for why they couldn’t come for coffee that day after Peter and I were already there. When I realized what they’d done, I started to panic, but Peter was the one to call the whole thing off. He apologized to me because even though he really liked me, he was still trying get over his breakup with his last boyfriend.”
“So he supposedly took the chance of you guys getting together off the table,” I said.
“And I fell for it hook, line, and sinker,” Christopher murmured. “I’d always been better at listening than talking when I was younger, so it was easy to be a sympathetic ear. His boyfriend had cheated on him back in Ohio where they’d both grown up, so Peter had decided not to go home for the holidays so he wouldn’t end up running into him. When he found out I wasn’t going home either, Peter suggested we keep meeting for coffee. But he didn’t push, and when I turned down his offer to walk me home, he didn’t seem bothered by it. So we met up each day and even found a Chinese restaurant near campus that was open on Christmas Day.”
Christopher fell silent for a long time. “He was so easy to talk to. I don’t even really know when things changed. There was just this one day that I needed to tell him about the attacks. I didn’t know why. I hadn’t talked to anyone about them before, but I felt like there was this heavy weight on my chest and I couldn’t breathe anymore because of it. He actually cried for me. We started spending more and more time together after that, and a couple months into the second semester, he told me he loved me. We hadn’t done much more than hold hands at that point. He said he wanted to take things slow for me. He’d kiss me on the cheek or the forehead but never on the mouth. I didn’t really understand why, but I didn’t want to risk losing him, so I never asked him. Looking back, there were other warning signs that something wasn’t quite right.”
“Like what?” I asked. I was running my fingers through Christopher’s hair at the same time that he was tapping one of his fingers softly on my chest. It took me a while to realize he was timing the tap to my heartbeat.
“He’d blow up at me sometimes for no reason at all. He’d disappear for a week or two at a time claiming he was sick, but he wouldn’t let me see him. His physical appearance changed too. He looked more and more run-down, and he’d often lose track of a conversation. I once saw some concealer on his chin, but when I asked him about it, he flipped out.”