Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 84075 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84075 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
“Now you want to,” I say and she tilts her head from side to side.
“Yeah, well, for once I feel like I have a reason.” She takes a long drag and blows more smoke. “But we don’t talk about that, do we?”
I feel a coldness spread into my feet. I sit up straighter and meet her gaze, trying not to let my heart beat out of control. “That’s been our one rule.”
“An unspoken rule. And I’m about to break it.”
My jaw tightens. “Jackie—”
“Katherine talks about you, you know.” She takes a drag. “That’s the messed-up part. We never talk about her, but she always talks about you. I don’t tell her about your visits, but she still manages to mention you at least once every time she’s here.”
I close my eyes. “Don’t.”
“It’s not over, Ford, is all I’m saying. Look, you’ve been good to me and I think we’re becoming actual friends, and as a friend, I’m telling you that my daughter still cares about you. Hell, I think she loves you.”
“Stop.” Hope blossoms in my chest. Horrible, nasty, god-awful hope.
I thought this would get easier. I thought time would give me space to heal. But the jagged edges of my heart haven’t even begun to knit back together, even after three months of this. I’m still living in that apartment, still existing in the middle of all her stuff. I’m still ex-communicated from my family.
And this is going to kill me.
I don’t think I can take it again.
More failure, more pain.
But god, Katherine is worth it.
“Go talk to her. I know she told you not to, but do it anyway.” She checks her watch. “If you head to the parking lot in a few minutes, you might just get your chance.”
“What did you do?”
“Might’ve scheduled two visits back-to-back.” She takes another drag and grins at me. “Might’ve made sure those two visitors run into each other.”
“Jackie.”
“Katherine wants to see you, Ford. She’s practically dying for it. And I know you haven’t given up on her.”
“I’ve been trying to respect her wishes.”
“Forget about her wishes, she was just hurting.” Jackie leans forward. “Did you know that her grandfather told her to spy on you, too? She refused to do it, but still. She knows what you gave up for her. She understands the hell you went through, turning your back on your family the way you did. Don’t give up on her.”
I stare at the older woman and try to make sense of all this. Months of hearing nothing, months of not talking about Katherine, of talking circles around the topic, of pretending like her daughter doesn’t exist, and now suddenly she’s telling me that Katherine still wants me.
That she still loves me.
It’s enough to kill me.
But I don’t think Jackie would be saying all this if it weren’t true.
“When will she be here?” I ask.
“A few minutes.”
“You’re a real monster, you know that?”
“Ah, kid, I’ve been around a long time, I know how these things go and I know my daughter. She’s going to be absolutely miserable until she admits that she still loves you.”
“You really think this is a good idea? After what I did?”
“Let me ask you something. Did you spy? Did you give your family anything?”
“No,” I say.
“Then there you go. You have all the chances in the world and every reason to do it, but you never did.”
“I made up my mind that day. I decided I wanted to be with Katherine and I didn’t care if it meant losing out on my family. I was going to tell her the truth, but Grandfather beat me to it.”
“It’s always the way of things. You have to travel the hardest path sometimes just to make the ending worth it.”
I push my chair back and stand up. “You’re a decent person, Jackie.”
“I’m definitely not. I’ve done some terrible things in my life.”
“Yeah, maybe, but that’s the disease talking.”
“I hope you’re right.”
I nod to her, turn away, and walk toward the exit.
My palms are sweating. My heart’s racing. I haven’t seen Katherine in so long and the thought of running into her now—it’s enough to make me nervous.
Me, fucking nervous, like a little kid again.
But even after all this time, I still haven’t forgotten. I still haven’t given up. I’ve only waited patiently and now I’m getting my chance.
It might kill me. Hell, it might finally break what little shred of humanity I have left and send me crawling back to my family.
I don’t care. None of that matters. There’s only Katherine, and she’s my north star now.
I head through the lobby and linger near the doors. I have a good view of the parking lot from my position and I stand there, not moving, until a car pulls in and parks. It’s an old Camry, beat up and rusty, but a girl steps out. A girl with auburn hair. Pale skin. Full figure. A beautiful girl, like sunshine on legs, wearing tight jeans and a loose top, her hair up in a messy bun, looking like she’s been working all day but still absolutely radiant.