Total pages in book: 215
Estimated words: 199344 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 997(@200wpm)___ 797(@250wpm)___ 664(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 199344 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 997(@200wpm)___ 797(@250wpm)___ 664(@300wpm)
Had he forgotten it all or buried it so deep that it was impossible to recall, I might be able to understand how he could so easily push me away. But it’s right there for him, tormenting his mind in the same way it does mine, yet I need him now more than ever. I don’t understand how he can keep pushing me away when he still feels it. He can deny it all he likes, but I heard it in his broken tone as I watched the agony drive him to his knees in the quiet street. The idea of hurting me is killing him inside, but maybe that’s what he needs. I think he wants to feel numb to our past because the memory of his brother is woven intricately through each memory of us, and if he lets even a sliver of light shine through the darkness, he’d be left to deal with Linc’s death, and I don’t think he’s even a little bit ready to come to terms with it.
All I know is that when it comes to Noah Ryan, tiptoeing around the issue isn’t going to work. He needs to be pushed to the edge and then thrown right over. I need to make him break, but he’s not going to do that easily, and he’s sure as hell isn’t going to allow me to lead him there.
I have to force this, and I have to bring him to me to make it happen. But that’s not going to be easy. Noah Ryan has never been easy to navigate, but if anyone can do it, it’s me. At least, I hope it’s me. If some other girl is holding a piece of his heart hostage, it’s going to destroy me. How could he let another where I belong? I’ve never even been remotely interested in dating or sex because, for me, it’s always been Noah.
Am I saving myself for him? Maybe. I don’t know. The thought of being intimate with him like that . . . wow. I can’t even think about it without goosebumps spreading across my skin. I know there’s something special there, and I just hope he has the strength to claw his way back to me because, despite how much I want to hate him right now, we both know that we belong together.
I fear I’m his last shot, and I hate the thought of this monster he’s allowing himself to become. That’s not the real him. He’s sweet and caring . . . mostly. He was always an asshole with a mean streak, but never to me. His popularity forced him to be like that, learning how to keep people at arm’s length when they wanted to use him for a step up in the world.
Putting the photo frame back down on my desk, I let out one last shaky breath before reminding myself that I’m stronger than any of the bullshit. Anything Noah, Shannan, or the rest of the cheerleaders can throw at me means nothing, and the only reason they continue to torture me is because they’re still trying to break me, but it won’t happen. Not today at least.
Grabbing my things, I race downstairs, pleased to find Hazel already waiting by the door for me. “What took so long?” she says, glancing up at the clock on the wall. “We’re going to be late.”
“Not if I can help it,” I say, flying out the door with Hazel on my six.
After quickly locking the door behind me, we scurry to the car, and within seven minutes, we’re pulling up at Hazel’s school with barely seconds to spare. She races through the front gates, and I hit the gas, only having a few minutes to get my ass to school.
Pulling into the East View High parking lot, I search for a space and find only one available—right next to Noah’s matte black Camaro.
Great. I thought I could turn today around with my glowing pep talk this morning, but deep down, I knew today was going to be a disaster. I’ve barely put my Range Rover in park when I hear the bell sound through the school, and I suck in a breath. “Ah, crap,” I mutter, grabbing my things and flying out of the car.
I hurry through the front gates and into the school, finding most of the students already well on their way to homeroom. Having barely seconds to spare, I quickly stop at my locker and key in my code before tearing the door open and scrambling through my things.
“HOLY SHIT,” I hear Tarni from right down the other end of the hallway. “YOU’RE ALIVE!”
My head whips up, and I catch the slightest glimpse of her grinning at me, walking backward before disappearing around the corner. I laugh to myself. I didn’t exactly stop to say goodbye to the girls on Friday night before stupidly taking off from the party with a stalker, and in hindsight, that probably wasn’t the smartest choice to make. If Noah hadn’t made sure I got home alright, who knows what could have happened to me. My dad made sure to remind me of that bright and early Saturday morning, drilling into me the dangers of drinking and how stupid it was to leave the party without a safe way home. To be honest, I think he was hurt that I didn’t even think about calling him to come be my hero.