Total pages in book: 147
Estimated words: 137176 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 686(@200wpm)___ 549(@250wpm)___ 457(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 137176 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 686(@200wpm)___ 549(@250wpm)___ 457(@300wpm)
Unfortunately, I did. His thoughtfulness put another dent in the concrete I’d been trying to encase my heart in ever since he had left the cabin.
“It doesn’t,” JJ said. It took me a second to realize he was responding to my question about whether or not it mattered if I was drinking. “I just thought—”
“Things change, JJ,” I interrupted. “What did you need to say to me?” I continued, ignoring the startled look on his face. The last thing he needed to know was that he was only one of the reasons I’d taken up drinking in the last few days.
“Um, yeah, right,” JJ said softly as he looked down at the bottle of water in his hands. He kept fiddling with the edge of the label with one of his fingernails.
Every second he delayed in continuing was another second I spent in the bowels of hell. I wanted nothing more than to stride to him, take him in my arms and remind him how good we’d been together in that tiny old shower in a cabin that time had forgotten.
“Sully and I have been going through the case. Together,” JJ said awkwardly.
“So we drove two hours for you to tell me you and Sully are finally spending some quality time together?”
“No,” JJ said with a shake of his head. Based on the way he was holding himself, I suspected he was trying to hide his embarrassment… and the sting of pain my barb had caused.
God, what the fuck was wrong with me? I already knew what picking at JJ’s insecurities would do to him and here I was doing it all over again.
All to protect my heart.
If I didn’t allow myself to connect with JJ on either a physical or emotional level, he’d leave me be and I’d once again let my hand take care of my dick as I imagined how tight it would feel to be buried balls-deep inside of him.
“I guess what I really wanted to say was…” JJ began before pausing again.
I took a long drag on the beer in an effort to drown the self-pity that threatened to take control of my mouth so I could beg him not to leave me again. I finished the second beer and grabbed a third from the refrigerator. I opened it but didn’t take a drink from it like I really wanted to. I had to be able to drive JJ home whenever he was done with whatever the hell he was trying to accomplish.
The sudden and unexpected thought of JJ walking through the doorway of Tank’s after I dropped him off instantly made me regret having partaken of the first two beers. They might not have been the hard stuff that my father always indulged in, but they still took a little piece of my brain away from me, albeit a temporary one. They were supposed to have made all of this easier, but they’d only loosened my tongue so I could say things to JJ that I didn’t mean.
Especially about Tank’s.
During my surveillance of his house, I’d never once seen him leave it until tonight. What if my words, my behavior sent him there the second I dropped him off near his house? Would he find a way to return to the men who’d stolen so much from him?
“What? What did you want to say?” I said with pretend irritation as I tipped the beer and let the liquid touch my lips.
I fully expected JJ to clam up and then ask me to take him home, but instead, his sharp eyes settled on me. He didn’t respond to the question other than to climb off the barstool. Unfortunately, he didn’t turn around and walk away like I wanted. Instead, he came directly at me. By the time he stopped, there was less than a foot of space between us. I had my back against the counter, so I had no place to go. When I lifted the bottle of beer to take another pretend sip in hopes of erecting a barrier between us, JJ surprised me once again by simply plucking the bottle from my fingers and placing it on the counter.
“I want a tour,” he said easily.
“A tour of what?” I asked dumbly.
“Your home. Or your home away from home. Whatever you want to call it.” JJ waved his hand in dismissal. “I mean, this is the place you’ve been spending all your time since we last saw each other, right?”
The mere fact that JJ knew the answer to his own question pissed me off.
And turned me on.
He was purposefully turning the tables on me, but no way in hell was I going to let him get me back to the emotional wreck I’d been in that bathroom. He wanted me weak and vulnerable. For what purpose, I didn’t know. I didn’t care, either. I was too busy mentally punching myself for having fallen for his act. I thought about the burner phone. I hadn’t stayed in the room when he’d called his brother, so I had no idea what he’d said to Sully. Five minutes ago, I would have bet my life on knowing JJ wouldn’t betray me by giving up my location to anyone.