Total pages in book: 66
Estimated words: 61332 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 307(@200wpm)___ 245(@250wpm)___ 204(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 61332 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 307(@200wpm)___ 245(@250wpm)___ 204(@300wpm)
The perfect little obedient slave.
And it has nothing to do with me wanting that to be true. With every message she sends, it just proves more and more that’s what she yearns to be. Her true self. But her entire life has been spent with people trying to change that about her. For some reason I can’t grasp, even with my above-average IQ, everyone seems to think it’s the people pleasers who are in the wrong and need to be “fixed.” They’re told they’re weak, that they need to toughen up and learn how to tell people no.
That doesn’t make sense to me one bit.
Why would we want someone who gains pleasure from helping others to… stop being so eager… to help others?
In my mind, that’s like telling an artist to stop painting because they’re good at it and it makes them happy.
Or telling a doctor to stop healing patients with the skills they spent years upon years learning.
Or telling a fireman not to put out the burning building.
It’s who she is. It’s her personality. Why does anyone think they have the right to tell her that her personality is wrong, that it’s bad, when it doesn’t hurt anyone? In fact, it does the complete opposite of that. It helps someone, or a lot of people, depending on how she’s using her pleasing skills.
And if they’re so concerned about her that their argument is “it’s for her own good, so people don’t take advantage of her,” then instead of trying to change her, why don’t they put all that effort in scolding and trying to fix the ones who are actually the problem? The ones who would take advantage of her.
More than anything, I want to teach her that. I want to give herself back to her. I want her to be the sweet everyone has tried to turn bitter, because God knows we need to protect what little sweet is left in the world. Before everyone gets their way and convinces all the pleasers they should stop all that paltry kindness bullshit. That they can’t just walk around throwing out “yeses” all willy-nilly. That they need to keep all that love and nurturing nature to themselves, just because someone undeserving could steal some of it.
Fuck that.
It’s now my goal to undo the damage others have done to her. To erase the things people have made her believe about herself. All that anxiety she feels? She wouldn’t have nearly as much if she wasn’t spending all her energy fighting who she truly is inside. If she just embraced it, gave in to her own wants and traits, all the effort she puts into trying to do what the assholes are telling her to—suppress the desire to help people, to make others happy, to be there for someone who needs them—could be spent just… being fucking happy as herself.
Because in the end, isn’t she just trying to please the people who are telling her she needs to stop being a people pleaser?
Hence why her mind seems to be in constant turmoil, manifesting as anxiety and depression, causing her actual chemical imbalances and hereditary disorders to be downright uncontrollable even with medication.
They’ve twisted this highly intelligent, artistic, empathetic, and deeply thoughtful brain until it’s in knots. Add in the fact she has intrusive repetitive thoughts that aren’t able to be quieted with meds, and it’s no wonder she’s been damn near comatose the past year. She’s a child sitting between her two parents who are screaming at each other about things she doesn’t understand. Only she’s a grown woman, and the arguing is her own thoughts, taking place so loudly inside her mind she can’t focus on anything else.
It fucking pisses me off.
And I won’t allow it any longer.
For the sixth day in a row, the moment I wake up, I reach for my phone on the charger on my nightstand and send her a message I know she’ll sweetly avoid instead of turning me down. Probably without even realizing it, she’s unwilling to give me a flat-out no.
RomanticSadistLL: Good morning, pretty. Ready for a kiss yet?
WillDive4Plants: 😂 Just got in my favorite chair at the gym! Gotta write 19k words in two days. Pray my Adderall kicks in soon!
The pleasure I felt a few days ago when the little writer told me she signed up to be in a charity anthology, inspired to write after almost ten months of being unable to, was surprising in its intensity. But I’m sure it had a lot to do with the way she didn’t hesitate to tell me it was thanks to my attention. She’s sent several messages stating in various ways that I was the reason her words were flowing again.
All I’ve done is answer her questions honestly and praised her whenever I possibly can. I feel her practically glow through the screen with each “good girl” she receives.