Total pages in book: 108
Estimated words: 102408 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 512(@200wpm)___ 410(@250wpm)___ 341(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 102408 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 512(@200wpm)___ 410(@250wpm)___ 341(@300wpm)
“He’s dead, Connor. I’m safe. You’re safe,” I said.
He sighed. “Yeah.”
I inhaled a deep breath then said, “Connor, this can’t continue. Showing up at the bar last night was too much.” He remained quiet. “You can’t follow me and expect me to do whatever you say. I know you want to stay hidden, but I don’t. I was hidden away for eleven years and I want to live a normal life. Or as normal as I can.”
He tensed and drew back. “Drinking and dancing in front of a bunch of guys wanting to get in your pants is not living.”
“Yeah, it is.”
“No. It fuckin’ isn’t.”
“I was dancing.”
“I didn’t like it.” He stood, taking me with him then let me go as he crouched and picked up shards of glass. I went to help when he shot me a glare. “No, babe. I’ll do it. You’re in bare feet and there’s glass on the floor. Sit.”
My chest swelled and my belly flipped. Connor. That was so Connor. It was what he did. He protected others. He wouldn’t ask me to get the broom or the vacuum; he’d make sure I was looked after first and foremost.
He did that with everyone. Except there was no longer everyone, because he wouldn’t let anyone else in. There was only me and even I was something tentative.
“I never had friends, Connor. Not like you did and despite what you think—still do.” I tucked my feet up onto the chair and wrapped my arms around my legs. “Kids were too scared to be my friend with my dad’s involvement with….” Still crouched and picking up shards from the dog figurine, he stopped, eyes lifting to meet mine. “I have friends now and I don’t want to lose them, but I want you, too.
“I fell for you, Connor. I fell in love with you a long time ago. I may not have known all of you, but I knew who you were, what type of person. And I loved who I was with you.”
“You love a man who’s dead. That’s not me now, Alina.”
“Maybe not. But whoever you’ve become, you’re still the man I love. You’re still him and remembering what you’ve done is killing you. But you know why it is? Because you still have the good parts. If you didn’t care, none of the stuff you did while drugged would matter to you.”
He lowered his head and stared at the broken fragments on the floor. “It drives me nuts seeing you around other guys. All I can think about is you being taken away from me again. All I see is him.”
Maybe I understood that, but it was something he had to work through. I couldn’t stop living. “I want to do stuff I missed doing. I like working in a bar and I like being around people.”
His head jerked up and he tensed. “You don’t belong in a fuckin’ bar. You should be taking photographs.”
I sighed. He didn’t get it because all he saw was me being surrounded by people and he didn’t like it. “That’s not the point. I get to decide where I want to work. I get to decide if I want to dance or if I want to drink until I pass out. I decide, Connor. Me. Finally, I have a choice.” I paused then said, “And you’re my choice, too. I choose you. I want you and I’ll give up things in order to have you, but not living.”
He abruptly stood. “You want to feel alive, shutterbug? I’ll show you alive.” He picked me up and carried me across the room then set me on my feet. He linked his fingers with mine and headed down the hallway for the front door.
But Deaglan blocked the door and he had his phone to his ear. He said, “Get here.” Then he slowly lowered the phone, his eyes locked on Connor.
But Connor was looking at me. He nodded to my black flats on the matt. “Baby, shoes.”
Right. Shoes. I let go of his hand and slipped into them then he put his hand in mine again.
“Move,” Connor said to Deaglan.
Deaglan’s hand went to his waist and my heart skipped a beat. “No,” I said, stepping in front of Connor, which he seriously didn’t like as he abruptly shoved me behind him. I squeezed his hand. “He’s just protecting me, Connor.”
“I don’t give a shit what he thinks he’s doing. And if he were any good at protecting you, he’d have known I was here last night.”
Deaglan glared, but he didn’t take out his gun. “Deck’s on his way.”
“Good for him. Now out of my way.”
“She stays here.” Deaglan nodded to me.
Connor laughed. “How about this? We ask her. She wants to stay then I walk out alone. But she wants to go with me, you let us pass without a fight.” He smirked. “You know as well as I do where you’ll end up if there’s a fight though.”