Total pages in book: 163
Estimated words: 164828 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 824(@200wpm)___ 659(@250wpm)___ 549(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 164828 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 824(@200wpm)___ 659(@250wpm)___ 549(@300wpm)
“Don’t touch me,” Nathan whispers angrily, and I know that Robert has reached for him.
I close my eyes. I can feel Robert’s pain.
“Don’t come near Eliza again,” Nathan whispers. “You wait until I’m finally happy and you think that you can show up here and upset her?”
“I’m not trying to upset her,” Robert cries.
“Well, you are.” Nathan yells. “And you’ve upset me. Get the hell out of my life, Robert. You’ve fucked me up for too long.”
Oh God. This is bad. This is really bad.
Nathan never got over him. A piece of the puzzle clicks into place.
This is why he has never had another relationship. I close my eyes as I listen.
They fall silent.
What’s happening?
“Please…” Nathan whispers as if pained. “Just go. Leave me be.”
“I love you.”
“Go!” Nathan bellows as he loses all control.
I screw up my face to stop myself from sobbing out loud, I drop my head into my hands.
“I said go!” Nathan yells.
“No!” I hear Robert cry, as if they’re in a scuffle. “Don’t do this.”
I run into the kitchen to see Nathan dragging Robert toward the door by the arm. He opens the door and hurls Robert out into the corridor.
“Stay the fuck out of my life!” he yells before slamming the door hard. He marches up the hall to our bedroom.
The tears roll down my face, and I look at the back of the door.
Do I go out there and check on Robert? Is he okay?
What do I do? What do I do?
I hear the shower turn back on. What’s he doing?
I walk back into the kitchen, and with a shaky hand, I pick up my wine and sip it.
I wince. It tastes like poison.
Everything tastes like poison… even my love.
My heart is hammering hard in my chest…what the fuck just happened?
I can’t stand this. I need to see if Robert’s okay. I march to the front door, open it, and I peer out into the corridor. Robert is gone.
I walk back into the apartment and into the bathroom.
Nathan is in the shower, the water falling hard over his head. His face is in his hands.
His devastation so real that I can feel it.
“Nathan,” I whisper.
He remains silent.
“Are you okay?” I ask softly.
“Leave me alone,” he murmurs.
I screw up my face in tears. That’s not what I needed to hear. I turn and walk out into the living room and fall to the couch in tears. Can this week get any worse?
Nathan stays in the shower for over an hour, and with every minute that he’s in there, a little more truth sinks in.
I’m tied to Eliza now.
I’m pregnant by a man who is still in love with his ex.
I thought he loved me.
How could I be so stupid as to fall pregnant?
Oh, fuck.
What happens now?
I have a child with him, carry on with our farce of a relationship, all while knowing that, deep down, his heart is with Robert?
Pain slices through my chest. This isn’t how I thought it would go. Oh, this hurts.
Nathan finally appears. He’s in his boxer shorts, once more, and his mask is firmly back into place.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers.
I stare at the floor, unable to drag my eyes to his.
“Why are you crying?” he whispers as he sits down next to me and takes me into his arms.
“Do you want to be with him?” I ask.
“No.” His eyes are sad—so much pain behind them. “I love you. I want to be with you.”
My eyes search his. “Do you still love Robert?”
He stares at me, but doesn’t answer, unable to push the lie past his lips.
My eyes well with tears, the lump in my throat is so big, it hurts.
“I want to be with you, Eliza.”
“That’s not what I asked, Nathan.”
“I have a history with Robert but my future is with you. I’m sorry he came here. I’m sorry you had to hear that.”
He holds me in his arms, but I don’t feel loved.
I feel in the way.
I feel like his heart is breaking and he wants to go to Robert.
I feel betrayed.
“I’m going to…” I pause as I try to think of an excuse to get away from him…to get away from his hurt, “take a shower.”
“Okay.” He lets me go.
I walk into the bathroom, lock the door, and slide down the back of it to sit on the floor.
And all alone, I sob in silence.
I lie in bed in the darkness. I’m on my side, facing the wall.
Nathan is beside me with his back to me.
He’s silent. I am silent.
There’s an elephant in the room, in between us in bed.
Robert.
The air is heavy with regret, filled with lost hopes and dreams.
And an unplanned pregnancy.
“What’s wrong?” Nathan whispers.
Every time he speaks to me I get a lump in my throat and it’s hard to answer.
How do you verbalize so much hurt?