Total pages in book: 96
Estimated words: 94313 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 472(@200wpm)___ 377(@250wpm)___ 314(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 94313 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 472(@200wpm)___ 377(@250wpm)___ 314(@300wpm)
When the doctor finally came inside to see me, my stomach sank so fast that I nearly groaned.
I knew him. He was a deacon at our church.
“Sister Lacy,” he greeted as he walked briskly into the room.
“Hello,” she murmured back.
“Esther,” he boomed, looking at me. “Let’s see what kind of trouble you’ve gotten yourself into.”
The next twenty minutes were the stuff of nightmares. I thought I’d die of mortification when he told me to change into a gown and didn’t bother leaving the room, but it got so much worse after that. As I lay there on the table and he stuck my feet into little metal arms that held my knees wide and my entire pelvic area completely exposed, I sort of just floated away. He was talking casually to Aunt Lacy as he put something inside me and tears ran down my face as I struggled to stay in that floating place. I pretended that it wasn’t really happening, that I was back at the cabin, which suddenly felt like a haven instead of a prison.
When he was done I was allowed to pull my feet back down. I clenched my thighs together as I stared at the ceiling, ignoring the stickiness between my legs as he pressed hard on my belly and measured it with a paper measuring tape.
“Seventeen weeks,” he told my aunt, pulling out a little machine.
I clenched my hands as he put goop on the end of it and pressed it just below my navel, but it didn’t hurt. Seconds later a little whoosh-whoosh sound filled the room and my breath caught.
“Strong heart beat. 156 beats per minute,” he said to himself.
“So everything is okay?” Aunt Lacy asked quietly.
“It seems so,” he said brusquely. “She should’ve come in months ago.”
“We just found out,” Aunt Lacy replied, looking at me.
I’d never heard my aunt lie before.
“Surely, you knew?” the doctor said, glaring at me. “Do you care nothing for the precious life you’re carrying?”
I just looked at him. What could I say? It hadn’t exactly been my choice.
“Come back in a month,” he ordered with a sigh. “We’ll do an ultrasound then—the technician is only here once a week. Then come every month until the thirty-sixth week. Then it’ll be weekly until the birth.”
“Okay,” I rasped, since he was clearly waiting for a reply that time and was actually talking to me.
My hands shook as I got dressed again. I couldn’t even look at Aunt Lacy after the doctor had gone. She hadn’t warned me or reassured me. She’d just sat there while he poked and prodded, his face a foot away from a place that only one other person had even gotten close to. I felt like I was going to throw up or scream.
I ignored everyone as we walked back outside, my clothes didn’t feel like enough protection from the eyes that followed us. I wanted my big jacket, the one I’d left in the cabin. I was freezing.
“All set?” Uncle Hank asked as soon as we’d climbed back into the car.
“Yes,” Aunt Lacy replied. “Everything is fine.”
“Good,” he replied. “Good.”
Everything was not fine. None of it was fine. I wanted to yell. Scream. Reach forward and start swinging. I didn’t care which of them I hit, either would do.
“We’ll stop and get you more supplies on our way out of town,” Uncle Hank said, glancing at me in the rearview mirror.
I ignored him, clenching my hands together in my lap. I just wanted to get as far from the two of them as possible. I didn’t care if I was going to the cabin or the moon as long as they’d leave me alone.
I wasn’t allowed out of the car as Uncle Hank stocked up on supplies at the store, but it didn’t matter. I didn’t want to see anyone anyway. I was dying to get back to my little place in the woods. The world that had felt comforting just a couple hours before now felt loud and intrusive.
The ride back went by quickly as I dozed in the back seat, surrounded by paper grocery bags and jugs of water. If I’d had any doubt that I would be at the cabin for a while that was long gone. I’d seen the amount of food and small containers of propane Uncle Hank had filled the trunk and back seat with. Well, I knew I wouldn’t starve. That was something at least.
We carried everything inside in silence. Aunt Lacy was ordered to stay in the car, probably so she wouldn’t see the inside of the cabin. And then, as quickly as they’d shown up, they were gone and I was alone again.
I went straight to my wash bucket and went about setting up a bath. Even though my hair felt clean and soft and the rest of me smelled like Becka’s body wash, I felt dirtier than I’d been when I left the cabin that morning.