Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 73794 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 369(@200wpm)___ 295(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73794 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 369(@200wpm)___ 295(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
“There’s some fraternization regs at play too. More than simply uncomfortableness at stake.”
“Fair enough, but we’ve already…fraternized.” I paused to consider the half-moon peeking out from behind a cloud. I’d never been a rule breaker, ever. Never taken a risk I didn’t think was justified. And never prioritized my own wants over the good of the team. Strangely, though, I didn’t feel as obligated to this crew, a lack of connection that had been bugging me for weeks, but also more of that recklessness that Caleb inspired. I wanted him more than a gold star for following the rule book. “Couldn’t we be…friendly on the down-low?”
“Friendly isn’t the problem.” Caleb shook his head. “Plenty of people are friends off shift.”
“See?” I had no clue why I was pushing this point. “If we throw in a few benefits, who’s to know?”
“God. You make it hard to do the right thing.” He exhaled harshly. “My focus right now has to be Scotty. I can’t start a relationship anyway.”
“I’m not asking for more than casual.”
“I know.” He continued to hold my hand, swinging it lightly. “Guess friends with a few super-secret benefits isn’t the worst idea.”
It likely was the worst idea, but nevertheless, I nodded like a teen winning his first date. Young. Free. Caleb made me feel like I’d slammed an energy drink and run a 10k. As long as he agreed, I’d be on top of the world. And I’d give up an awful lot to keep that vantage point forever.
Chapter Twelve
Caleb
Running on empty. Never had the phrase been truer than when we pulled back into the station after a late-night call for a fire at an apartment complex on the edge of Mount Hope. It was my first overnight shift in some time, and not only was I worried about Scotty and out of practice with being alert in the middle of the night, but I was also exhausted from a hell of a call.
Knowing Tony was waiting at the station was another layer of weirdness, one I couldn’t let myself dwell on. In the days since our sneaky school hookup, we’d managed some covert texting and a few down-low conversations while trying to act normal at work. But this flutter of anticipation amid my bone-tiredness was new and not entirely welcome.
Luckily, I didn’t see Tony as I stepped off the rig. Another few moments to collect myself.
“God, that was a doozy.” As we unloaded our gear, I wiped my face with a rag. I needed a shower, but I was wired-and-tired and didn’t want to slow down, didn’t want to accidentally give myself the space to think. Easier to push my physical needs aside.
“You’re telling me.” Sean stretched, rolling his shoulders front to back. It had been a tough night to be acting captain. He’d done an admirable job but had to be even more exhausted than I was. “I’m going to follow up with the Red Cross about what the families will need.”
“Good. Keep the rest of us posted.” As with many house fires, the local Red Cross had shown up to provide aid and temporary shelter to the displaced families, and I wasn’t surprised that Sean was concerned enough to follow up on their efforts.
“I’ll get started on this cleanup.” Tony appeared behind Sean, near the dusty rig in the engine bay. “And inventory the equipment and supplies. Sounds like you used up a bunch of stuff tonight.”
“Yep.” Sean rubbed the back of his neck. “And yeah, get on that because we need to be ready if another call comes in.”
“I’ll help.” I volunteered quickly as everyone else hightailed it for the showers and bed.
“Sure thing.” Sean nodded, apparently too weary to be suspicious of my motives. Good thing because I also wasn’t entirely sure what I was doing.
Tony’s eyes narrowed as Sean walked away. “I’ve got the hang of my job now.”
“I know.” I pitched my voice lower and soothing, glancing around to make sure we were alone. “But I need something to do.”
“You need sleep,” he scolded as he started going through the medical kits and other equipment, looking for missing or broken items. His manner was way more fond than I’d seen from him, like he actually cared about whether I was rested.
“And so do you.” I returned the favor with a pointed look as I joined him in the equipment inventory. “You get any sleep while we were on the call?”
“Nah. Sleep and I don’t get along that often.” He pursed his lips before retrieving a stack of gauze pads to replenish the stock in one of the kits. “And fuck dreaming.”
“You know…” I started, then decided against disrupting our easy peace.
“What?”
“Nothing. I was just going to say that there’s help out there for PTSD symptoms like nightmares, but you know that already.”
“Do I?” Tony made a frustrated noise as he moved on to the next kit, removing some empty wrappers for antiseptic wipes. “While I was on active duty, we were strongly encouraged to not report anything that might have even a whiff of PTSD or struggling mental health. At the time, desk duty or not being declared fit for a mission seemed like the worst fate, so I learned to keep my mouth shut.”