Total pages in book: 66
Estimated words: 76696 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 383(@200wpm)___ 307(@250wpm)___ 256(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 76696 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 383(@200wpm)___ 307(@250wpm)___ 256(@300wpm)
“What’s up with you?” Brian asked as he entered the kitchen.
“Amber and I broke up.”
There was silence. “I knew it. I fucking knew it! I warned you not to get involved with her. I knew you’d break her heart. Did you cheat on her? Did get tired of being with only one girl? What the hell is wrong with you, Zach?”
Everything, apparently. I looked up. “She broke up with me, and I didn’t cheat on her.”
“Then what did you do?”
“Does it have to be me who did something?”
He gave me a look.
“She think it’s not working out. She’s probably right.”
Brian shook his head with a frown. “Great, now I have to pick up the pieces. Where is she?”
“I don’t know. She didn’t tell me. She left.”
“You’re an asshole, Zach.” With that, Brian left the kitchen.
“Don’t I know it?” I muttered.
Amber
I couldn’t breathe. I rushed out of the building and into the nearby park where I collapsed on a bench. I pressed my chest against my legs, staring down at the gravel, trying to calm my breathing, trying to stop my heart from feeling like it was shattering. Tears burned my eyes.
I’d really broken up with Zach. God, why? Why? Now I realized that deep down I’d only wanted to get something from him, some kind of sign that he loved me, or at least cared about me as much as I cared for him, but he’d given me up without a fight, without much of a protest even. He’d let me go like it meant nothing. Everything his father had said yesterday was right. That’s why Zach hadn’t argued with him. Zach probably hadn’t broken up with me because he didn’t want to leave the poor broken Amber. Pity, was that what had made him stay with me until now?
But I’d survived worse. I would survive this. I’d move on. I wasn’t that broken girl anymore. I was stronger than her. With shaky fingers, I pulled out my cell from my jeans pocket and dialed Reagan’s number. She answered after the third ring. “Hey Amber!”
“I broke up with Zach.”
“Whoa, okay. What?”
“I broke up with Zach.”
“How did that even happen? Do you want me to come over? I could be there in thirty minutes.”
“Yeah, that would be great. I think I need a shoulder to cry on.” I let out a choked laugh.
“I’ll be there soon.”
Then I remembered that I couldn’t go back into the apartment, not yet. If I met Zach now, I’d lose it. “I can’t go back into the apartment. What do I do now?”
“Let’s meet in the Starbucks around the corner.”
“Okay.” We hung up and I stared at nothing for a long time. Then I got up and walked slowly toward the Starbucks. Reagan arrived twenty minutes later, with wet hair and a panicked look on her face. When she found me sitting at table in the corner, she rushed over and hugged me. “Amber, what the hell is going on? Tell me everything.”
And so I did and when I was done, Reagan frowned. “Maybe Zach was just stunned and that’s what he didn’t fight for your relationship. Maybe it’s not really over.”
“It is. He never told me he loved me. He never spoke about the future.”
“Did you sleep with him?”
I nodded, then I blinked quickly to keep tears at bay. “And I don’t regret it. I’ve never felt so loved.” I snorted. “I didn’t think I could ever feel so safe with someone.”
Reagan squeezed my hand. “I could talk to Zach.”
“No,” I said quickly. My phone vibrated for the tenth time. It was Brian and I finally picked up.
“Amber, where are you? I talked to Zach. I’m worried about you. Are you okay?” He sounded close to a freak-out.
“I’m with Reagan, and I’m okay. You don’t need to worry. I broke up with Zach, not the other way around.”
“Did he hurt you? If he did, I’ll kill him.”
“He didn’t hurt me,” I said quietly. “It’s nobody’s fault. It just wasn’t meant to be. Can we talk later?”
“Okay, but don’t stay out too long. I’m really worried.”
“I know.” I hung up, then sighed. “This is such a mess. I thought if I was the one breaking up with Zach before he could, I’d feel better about it. That being in control would make it hurt less.”
“It doesn’t,” Reagan whispered.
“No, it doesn’t. It hurts so much.” I closed my eyes and pressed my face into my palms. Reagan wrapped an arm around me. “Shhh. It’ll get better. And you can still talk to Zach. Nothing’s lost yet. Talk to him about your feelings and worries, and why you really broke up with him. It’ll be fine.”
I didn’t think it would be. If Zach hadn’t felt the need to fight for us, then why should I? But Reagan eventually managed to convince me and we walked back to the apartment together. Brian was already waiting for me in the living room. Before he could question me further, I asked. “Where’s Zach?”
“He went over to Jason to go out. He’s doing what he’s good at. Getting wasted. They want to hit a club.”
Reagan cursed. “What is wrong with him?”
I put on a brave face. “It’s for the best. A clean cut.” I wished I could really believe that.
***
I lay awake almost all night in my bed, but Zach didn’t come home. He’d probably found someone new to spend the night with. After having been shackled to me for months he must have been desperate for a one-night stand.
I could barely keep my eyes open the next morning, but I got dressed and headed out for work in a trance. I managed to smile and take orders without messing it up. Life went on as if nothing had happened. That was a small consolation. In a few years I’d look back to this moment and see it as another step toward becoming who I was supposed to be. God, I sounded like a Hallmark card.
Reagan waited for me when my shift was over, and together we walked over to the apartment. “I think I need to find a new place. I can’t keep living in Zach’s apartment now that we’ve broken up.” It still felt surreal, as if any moment I might wake up from a nightmare. But things like that never happened. I’d learned that in the past.