Total pages in book: 155
Estimated words: 146417 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 732(@200wpm)___ 586(@250wpm)___ 488(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 146417 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 732(@200wpm)___ 586(@250wpm)___ 488(@300wpm)
“I don’t know that he gets that from me.” Beck had a little smile on his face. It was the satisfied smile he got when things went his way. He was using that smile on Roman.
“My mom is really smart,” Roman replied, a bit on the defensive side.
Beck sobered. “She is. She’s the smartest woman I know. She’s kept you safe for years. You see your mom and I got split up. I couldn’t find her and then some things happened in the world, and for a couple of years it was really hard to travel. Then I looked for her but I still couldn’t find her.”
“She didn’t want us to be found,” Roman countered. “If she didn’t want you to find us, there must have been a reason. Uncle Ezra didn’t want you to find us either.”
“That’s not true.” If she was going to be honest with Beck, she had to do the same with her son. Now that Beck was here, she knew she had to facilitate his relationship with Roman. “Your uncle asked me to reach out to him a couple of days ago. I think he’s felt that way for a very long time. Did he fall asleep?”
Roman nodded. “He was snoring.”
Beck chuckled. “He always did that. I had to share a room with him for years. Earplugs are the only way to go.” He got down to one knee and was suddenly serious. “Roman, your mom was in danger, and she ran because at the time she didn’t trust me to protect her. She didn’t trust me because I was very mean to her. I had problems with anger, and I took them out on your mom.”
“Did you hit her?” Roman asked, his voice going low.
“No.” She couldn’t let him think that. “He would never hit me.”
Not in any way that wasn’t incredibly pleasurable. But they weren’t having that conversation now.
“I did not hit your mother, but words can hurt, too,” Beck replied. “I said things to your mom that I shouldn’t have. If it had just been the one time, maybe she would have asked me to apologize, but I was mean to her for a long time. Did you know that your mom and I were married once?”
Roman’s eyes widened. “No.” He turned her way, some accusation in his gaze. “You didn’t tell me you were married.”
“We’re not now,” Beck said. “We’re not married because I broke our vows. I promised to love her no matter what, and then something bad happened, something that hurt me, and I wasn’t willing to love her then. Sometimes we have bad feelings inside us, and we don’t know where to put them. Often we shove those feelings at people we care about because it feels like the safest thing to do. Sometimes we don’t care where those feelings go. We lash out because we don’t trust that we deserve the love we’re given. I hurt your mom, and I’m sure she worried I would hurt you, too. Do you know what therapy is?”
She was not going to fucking cry. He’d gone to therapy? She’d asked him to go with her, to try to save their marriage, but he wouldn’t. Not that it would have worked. She’d been lying to him about the very thing he’d been angry about. “I’m not without fault here.”
Beck glanced up at her. “I think we should concentrate on the simple parts of what went wrong. Roman needs to understand that I screwed up and said something I shouldn’t have, and then we were separated for a long time.”
She thought she understood what he was trying to do. He was giving her cover with their son and trying to make this simple for Roman. She was deeply grateful because her son was getting hit with a lot. “Your father didn’t know about you until today. I haven’t talked to him since before you were born. The last time I saw your dad I didn’t even know I was pregnant.”
“Wow. That must be weird for you,” Roman said with a shake of his head. “I mean, I knew I had a dad somewhere, but you didn’t even know I existed. Do you need wine? When Mom is surprised at stuff, she usually drinks wine.”
A brilliant smile came over Beck’s face and he laughed, a sound she loved and hadn’t heard in forever. “I think I’ll skip the wine tonight. I’m on guard duty now. And it’s not as weird as you would think. It feels…right. But we’re going to take this whole dad thing at your pace. If you don’t feel good about calling me Dad, you can call me Beck.”
Roman turned her way as though asking her for permission.
“It’s up to you,” she replied, stroking over his silky hair. “It wouldn’t bother me at all if you called him Dad.”