Total pages in book: 155
Estimated words: 146417 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 732(@200wpm)___ 586(@250wpm)___ 488(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 146417 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 732(@200wpm)___ 586(@250wpm)___ 488(@300wpm)
“You don’t want to do that, do you?”
“I’ve changed so much. I worry if I stay here, I’ll fall back into the same patterns I used to follow. I didn’t like who I became in the end. I learned to treat it all as a game. I don’t want to be that person again. I know a lot of people would say then don’t be.”
Eve shook her head. “It’s difficult to change your nature. It’s much easier to understand what kind of pressure you can handle and what you can’t. Kim, you need to do what fulfills you. Not what you thought you should do or what would shock your parents. You’re past that, and now you don’t have to worry about Levi. You need to ask yourself what you want.”
“And if it isn’t Beck?” It was a question she wasn’t sure she wanted to answer.
“Then you two need to sit down and figure out how to move forward as parents,” Eve advised. “Before that, I want you to think about giving him the chance to confront how he treated you, to truly see what it did to you. To take that into himself and apologize with his whole heart. You might not want to be his wife again, but he’ll always be Roman’s father. You understand that you don’t owe anyone forgiveness, right? People who transgress against you are not owed your grace. You decide who deserves it. But I think Beck is important enough to you that you do owe him your honest emotion.”
That wasn’t what she’d been expecting from Eve. “I would think the psychologist would tell me forgiveness is important.”
Eve seemed to consider what she said next. “It is, but it’s also important to know that forgiveness is like submission in D/s. You’re in control of it. It comes from you, and you make the decision whether or not to give it. Our society puts pressure on people to forgive even when the transgression cuts so deeply the injured party will never be the same. You can live without forgiving. You can let go of what he did to you without forgiving him. It’s up to you.”
She was sure of one thing. “I’ll never forgive Levi.”
“But the question we’ve been dancing around is the one I had to deal with before I could move on.”
“What’s that?”
“Can you forgive yourself? And that, my friend, is the one forgiveness you might truly owe. I know it sounds crazy but tonight might help you figure out how you want to move forward with Beck if you let it.”
She shook her head. “We agreed this would be a place where we don’t worry about those things.”
Eve went quiet for a moment. “All right. Well, if you want to talk more, my door is open. Beck has Kai. You should have someone to talk to as well. If you don’t feel comfortable with me, I know some great people you could talk to.”
Therapists. Eve thought she needed a therapist. Someone she would pay to be her “friend.”
The door came open and Ariel walked in with River right behind her.
The joy she might have felt at seeing her friends was dimmed by her conversation with Eve. Were they really her friends? Or were they Beck’s, trying to get her to do what Beck wanted?
God, she hated this. She hated not trusting anyone. It was an anchor keeping her in the dark, cold water.
“Just think about it,” Eve said, standing and welcoming the newcomers.
Ariel briefly said hello to everyone, but her focus was on Kim. She came and sat down beside her, reaching for her hand. “Hey, I heard they took Levi into custody. Are you okay?”
She had a choice to make with the woman in front of her.
River was on her other side. “I’ve been thinking about you all day.”
And the one beside her. Trust. It came so easily to some people. It didn’t to her, but if she never trusted anyone again, how empty would her life be?
Did she want to live in a world where Ariel and River tricked her?
She held Ariel’s hand and leaned her head against River’s shoulder. “I’m okay. I’m relieved it’s over. Now tell me how the trip to the aquarium went.”
River had spent the day showing her sons around Dallas.
She wanted to think about pleasant things.
Because she feared if she let the darkness in, it would swallow her up.
* * * *
Beck glanced down at Kim. She was doing and saying all the right things, but there was a distance that worried him. They were standing in front of Sanctum’s main stage, watching a scene play out in front of them. Simon Weston was flogging his wife. The big Brit was graceful as he moved the heavy flogger over Chelsea’s back and legs.
“She started with BDSM because she found it helped her deal with the chronic pain in her legs,” he whispered. “Maybe we should try it. One of the things that kept me up at night the last seven years was wondering who was taking care of your leg.”