Total pages in book: 155
Estimated words: 146417 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 732(@200wpm)___ 586(@250wpm)___ 488(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 146417 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 732(@200wpm)___ 586(@250wpm)___ 488(@300wpm)
“I don’t think so. Did you ever work together?” Eve asked.
She shook her head. “No. He mostly worked alone, and so did I.”
“So once you completed your training, you were equals.”
“Yes.”
“Were you submissive in your marriage?”
She snorted at the thought.
A knowing smile crossed Eve’s face. “I didn’t think so.” She sobered. “So why do you think you imagine yourself as his subordinate?”
When she really looked deep, she knew the answer. “I lied to him. I did it for reasons I thought were good, but I lied. I suppose I feel like I need to make it up to him.”
Eve nodded as though she’d come to the same conclusion. “He’s forgiven you. I don’t believe he wants to punish you in any way, but that doesn’t mean you can’t punish yourself. I’ve found humans are excellent at finding ways to hurt themselves.”
“I can accept that.” She had been in such a bad place. “But I wasn’t punishing myself when I walked away from him in Paris.”
“Weren’t you?”
“Eve, you don’t know the things he said to me. He ripped me apart.”
“And there was a man waiting in shadows to do worse,” Eve argued. “You could have called Ian. You could have told him you wouldn’t spend another minute with Beck.”
She hadn’t even considered making a call. “Ian wasn’t my friend. He was Beck’s.”
“Yes, but Ian understands how people can tear each other apart. He would have sent someone else to be with you. You left for two reasons. You left because you didn’t trust anyone else in the world to help you once Beck had lashed out.”
That was true. “And the other reason?”
Eve reached out and put a hand on hers. “Because everyone who should have loved and protected you in your life betrayed your trust. Your parents. The man you thought was your friend. The man you loved. Because life taught you that you were not worth saving. You walked out because deep down you didn’t care if Levi caught you.”
Kim went quiet. The need to cry was there inside her, but there was a wall between her and that emotional well. A wall she’d erected so many years before. A wall she wasn’t sure she could live without. “Maybe. But I don’t feel that way now. My life changed the minute I found out I was pregnant. I love my son. I can’t live the same way. But I don’t know how to handle having Beck back in my life.”
Eve shifted, sitting back and giving her some space. “The question is can you forgive him. You lied but he walked away. You have to acknowledge that his was the greater infraction. He caused the greater harm. It’s not a contest, but you get to be angry with him.”
“Beck has high standards.”
“I think you’ll find Beck has relaxed a bit over the years. He’s done a lot of work on his anger issues.”
There was far more to the problem. “I guess I don’t understand what he was so angry about. I know his bio dad was a piece of shit, but he spent the majority of his childhood with Ezra’s dad. He was a good guy. His parents loved him. He had a brother who looked up to him like he was some kind of a superhero.”
“Some men don’t need a reason to be angry,” Eve replied. “They’re born with it. It fuels them in a way. But it can eat them up if they don’t figure out how to control it. My husband took something that happened to me and made it about him.”
Kim nodded. “Yeah. I think it’s safe to say Beck did that, too. What he doesn’t want to acknowledge is that Levi would have done this to anyone I fell for. He was incidental.”
“Harsh, but potentially true,” Eve agreed. “Some men struggle to understand anything they can’t control. It was easier for Beck to understand someone coming after him. The same way it was easier for Alex to think about revenge instead of taking care of me. I was the one who’d been assaulted, but Alex focused on punishing my attacker instead of helping me piece myself back together. It took years for me to forgive him, but I did because I love him and I’m happier with him than I ever was without him. Our marriage is far stronger today than it was then.”
“What if it happened again?” It was why she really couldn’t wrap her head around reconciling with him fully.
Eve was silent for a moment. “I believe deep in my heart that Alex would let Ian handle any investigation and he would concentrate on his family. I believe Beck has changed, too.”
Could she love the new Beck? It was a foolish question because she already loved him. She simply wasn’t sure she could trust him. “Charlotte thinks I should move here and pretend like nothing happened.”