Total pages in book: 124
Estimated words: 117574 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 588(@200wpm)___ 470(@250wpm)___ 392(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 117574 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 588(@200wpm)___ 470(@250wpm)___ 392(@300wpm)
“No, we’ll grab an Uber on that end, too. If you’re going to take a break from studying, then it should be for something fun or relaxing.”
That’s my mother for you. She’s the best. The thing she doesn’t realize, however, is that I might not need to study by the time she gets back from her trip. Not if I can’t pay that invoice by the time the grace period expires.
“I’m gonna go now, Mom,” I say, stopping in front of my door. “I’m home. Say hi to Max and Marnie and the kids for me. Tell them Uncle Auggie wishes he were there.”
“I will, my love. Chin up about the internship. You’ll get something even better.”
We say our goodbyes, and I enter my place, where I’m immediately greeted by my grandmother’s shaggy, three-legged terrier mutt, Lucky—her beloved companion for the last several years of her life. After Grandma rescued Lucky from death row at the pound, he repaid her by worshipping the ground she walked on. But now that Grandma is gone, Lucky’s transferred all his loyalty and love to me.
I pick up Lucky and kiss his little snout. “Did you protect the castle while I was busy fucking up the most important interview of my life, Lucky Charm? Of course, you did.” I sing him the silly little song my grandmother always used to sing him upon greeting, figuring the poor little guy probably misses hearing Grandma singing it as much as I do: “When I wrap you in my arms, that’s cuz you’re my lucky charm!”
I check to see if Lucky relieved himself on a disposable mat on the balcony, rather than waiting for me to take him out for our daily walk—he did—and when that’s settled, I head into my small kitchen to make myself a sandwich.
When I’ve got my lunch made, I settle onto my couch with my food, laptop, and Lucky. And then, the same way I did last night, I research every side hustle and get-rich-quick scheme I can find on the internet. But after two full hours of research, I haven’t found anything with a better shot at helping me than what I’ve already been doing to cover my living expenses. And that’s not a good thing, since the chances of my current side gig panning out are slim to none.
First off, I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing with my crazy side gig and never have. That much is clear, given that I’ve never earned more than a thousand bucks total in an entire month of doing it, and to keep my spot in the program, I’ll need to make twenty times my best monthly total in half the time. That’s what the lady in the billing department told me today—that I’ll need to pay twenty grand—exactly half of the full invoice amount—by midnight on the very last day of the grace period, in order to keep my spot. If I pay that, they’ll let me negotiate a payment plan for the rest, she said. It’s my only hope.
I close my laptop and sigh.
“Well, Lucky. I’ll see you on the flipside, buddy.” I pat his fuzzy head and rise from the couch, and Lucky hops around on his couch cushion in response, thinking my body language means I’m going to take him for our daily walk. “Sorry, buddy. I’ll take you for our walk after I jack off for cash.”
I head to my bedroom with my laptop and close the door behind me, so Lucky won’t follow me. The last thing I need while trying to get hard, stay hard, and reach orgasm in front of a bunch of online strangers, is to see Lucky’s soulful brown eyes staring at me from his doggie bed in the corner.
Once I’ve got my bedroom door closed, I head to my closet to select today’s superhero mask. Today, “Superhero Salami Slinger” will be jacking off as Spiderman for the pleasure of my online audience, whoever they are.
With my mask selected, I draw my blinds, strip off my clothes, and slide into bed next to my laptop. Before logging into my account, I pause to get myself into the right headspace. I’m not an exhibitionist by nature. I even felt shy wearing Speedos at swim meets growing up. So, doing this requires me to imagine I’m someone else.
Plus, it’s been a while. Almost two months, so I’m rusty. When Mom and Max gave me the amazing news that I could move in here, rent-free, and that Max would continue paying Grandma’s monthly mortgage, as he did before, until my graduation in two years, I was thrilled to stop slinging my salami online and apply for a much less lucrative tutoring position, instead, in order to cover my now much smaller monthly expenses. But now, thanks to my father, here I am, slinging my salami again. This time, not to cover rent for the small room I used to rent at a place with some buddies, but to try to keep my lifelong dreams alive.