Total pages in book: 196
Estimated words: 180438 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 902(@200wpm)___ 722(@250wpm)___ 601(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 180438 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 902(@200wpm)___ 722(@250wpm)___ 601(@300wpm)
I’m no longer under the delusion that I could rein her in; it’s too late for that. I thought I could control her, that as long as I kept a careful watch, I could keep her from going too far, but her mind, like mine, has no give. There are no grey areas, only black and white. Right is right, and wrong is wrong, and she’s both judge and executioner.
“I should’ve realized after the deal with the senator’s aide that there was no going back for her.”
“Hey, Lyon, don’t do this to yourself. We both knew what she was, what she would become. We’re just here to guide and protect; that’s all we can do.”
“Do I sound that fucked up that you’re placating me?”
“All kidding aside, I can only imagine what this does to you. Not only because she’s your kid but because you know her mind better than anyone, so you know what she’s capable of. That’s why we needed to come in, and you needed to take your place. You couldn’t have contained her on your own; you wouldn’t have had time for anything else.”
“I know you’re right, but dammit, she’s just a kid. This is why I’m not mad at Char for not bringing me in. I was allowed to have a childhood. But what about my Catalina? Why did she have to be born with a mind like mine?” She’ll never know a moment’s peace, not as long as assholes roam the earth. Wherever there’s injustice, especially against kids, she’s going to jump into the fire. And I did this to her; I passed this on through my genes.
“Where are you going, Colt?”
“I’m going to buy my kid some more dolls.”
“It’s a little late for that bro.”
“Fuck off, Flanagan; your kid is in this too. Don’t forget.” Bunch of murdering little shitheads.
Chapter 88
*Janie*
In moments of clarity, I kept telling myself I could bounce back from this, that things were not as final as they seemed, and then my head would become filled with all the ways I’d been wronged, and I’d get so mad I could throw up. All the way back to my childhood home with the two strange men upfront, silent as the dead, ignoring my questions, all I wanted to do was scream.
One moment, I felt hopeful and ready to fight for what was mine, and the next, I didn’t have the energy to keep my eyes open. I knew it was partly because of the long drive the night before and partly the drugs messing with me, and still, I couldn’t help taking a couple more just to numb the pain.
All I could think about was how hard things were going to be, how people were going to laugh at me, how low I had fallen. No matter how much I told myself to think positively and not give up, those were the only thoughts that seemed to want to hang around, and so they lingered.
It wasn’t long before the pills started to do their thing, and I was almost back to feeling human again. That scared feeling and the pounding in my chest from the racing of my heart soon abated, and I took a few deep breaths and tried to clear my mind.
This was not the time to feel sorry for myself; there had to be something that could be done to turn this whole mess around. The injustice of it all should be no deterrent to me; I’d been there plenty in the past and had forged ahead because I had the one thing I wanted.
With Ryder by my side, I had been able to face anything; even though things behind closed doors were never what they seemed, I was always able to put a smile on for the cameras and endure whatever hell my life was going to be that day, because, at the end of it, he was mine, my husband. So I tried convincing myself that this little hiccup, as bad as it was, shouldn’t be the end of us.
My head said this, but there was a heaviness in my chest that refused to go away. And a constant fear that I had lost to my enemy. Anger and hate coursed through my veins and mingled with the effects of the drugs, but the pain of loss beat them all.
My heart had been broken before. In fact, each time Ryder rejected me before and after marriage, it had torn little by little. But this hurt like hell. This was a pain that seemed like it would never end, and I knew it was because my eyes had beheld something I never thought to see ever again in this lifetime.
Even now, after years apart, between the walls of the dingy warehouse, the two of them had looked perfect together, like they belonged, something he and I never did. I saw in my mind again the way he’d stood so protectively in front of her, the way he’d never let go of her hand even though I couldn’t get to her.