Total pages in book: 66
Estimated words: 63282 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 316(@200wpm)___ 253(@250wpm)___ 211(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 63282 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 316(@200wpm)___ 253(@250wpm)___ 211(@300wpm)
I giggle. Sometimes, I still can’t believe this guy has a menacing, dominant side. Despite his profession and the ink all over his body, Luca’s a real sweetheart inside.
“Did you ever get any . . . offers from girls who want tattoos but don’t have money?” I ask.
Luca laughs wryly. “Every damn week.”
“Ever taken them up on their offer?”
“Nah. A five-minute blowjob isn’t worth $100 of my time. Also . . .” Luca averts his gaze as his voice trails off. “I don’t need to turn sex into an exchange of goods and services.”
I can’t help but smile. “You did it with me, though . . . Does that mean you actually liked me?”
Luca draws a deep breath. “That’s not relevant.”
“Why not?”
“Let’s just . . . talk about something else.”
“Why not?” I repeat, unable to stop myself. I’ve been holding myself back all day. “What are you so scared of? Why don’t you even want to talk about it?”
“Sarah, let’s just . . . leave it alone, okay? Let’s not complicate things. I’m sorry I did what I did yesterday.”
“I can’t just leave it alone. It’s all I can think about. Don’t you want to touch me?”
He glances at me but quickly looks away, as if afraid the mere sight of me would consume him. He does want to. So . . . why?
“I’m going to break you in two,” he says, as if unaware that’s exactly the kind of thing that makes my knees go weak.
“Tell me what you’re so scared of,” I insist.
“The real question is, why aren’t you scared?” Luca asks. “You should be scared. Do you know what kind of risks you were taking? I know your test results say you’re healthy. But do you even use protection?”
His words stab me in the gut. Silence grows as I recover from his questions.
To be honest, those same questions used to plague me too, and that's why I stopped using anonymous sex as a way to cope with life . . . until Peter died and turned my world upside down.
“What if someone kills you, Sarah?” Luca asks softly.
“I think most guys don’t want to hurt me,” I say. “They just want sex. If they can get that, they’re happy. They’re not going to kill me.”
“Is that what you tell yourself so you can sleep at night?” he asks brusquely.
I glare at him. “Why are you being so mean?”
“Listen, Sarah . . . I didn’t want to have to tell you this. Keep in mind I’m not trying to scare you like some anti-drug ad. I just want to tell you what happened to a girl I knew. Maybe then you’ll see how dangerous what you’re doing is.”
I cross my arms over my chest. I don’t know what Luca’s going to say, but I don’t like it already.
“There was this girl. She didn’t know how to deal with the world. Everything was painful.
“But she forgot all her problems when she was having intense, often risky sex. Her life became a constant, all consuming pursuit of more and more sex. It became as much about the sex itself as it was about the danger.
“She started fucking strangers in trains. Then, she did it with cab drivers, married neighbors, and workers at construction sites.
“She lost her job, but luckily her parents had money. Still, no amount of money in the world could save her from an addiction. She needed to save herself.
“And ultimately, she couldn’t do it. She died in her twenties.”
I swallow the ball of anxiety blocking my throat.
I know, in the back of my mind, that I’m taking a risk whenever I meet up with a stranger, but it’s a compulsion. It’s like my brain doesn’t work when I’m craving it, to the point where all that matters is getting my next fix.
“I know you don’t take it to that extreme,” Luca says. “But it only takes one encounter that goes wrong. You’re a smart girl. You know that.”
“But Luca, that’s why we can help each other. I can tell you’re holding yourself back. I want you to know you don’t have to.”
“I’m going to hurt you,” Luca growls as he turns and stares at me with his sharp, penetrating gaze.
“Then hurt me,” I say, my heart pounding in my chest. “You can do anything you want to me, Luca. I’ve never wanted to see a guy more than once. But with you . . . It was different. I thought I’d always need variety to keep things exciting.”
“I can’t,” he says, leaning forward to make his point. “I’d be enabling your addiction.”
“On the contrary, you’d be helping me keep my addiction under control, while also getting some release for yourself.”
“Look, Sarah. I think it’s best if all we do is just talk for now.”
“You know what’s funny?” I ask. “ This is the clearest my mind’s ever been since I heard about . . . you know. Maybe I need to be hurt on the outside to deal with the pain I’m dealing with inside.”