Total pages in book: 62
Estimated words: 60852 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 304(@200wpm)___ 243(@250wpm)___ 203(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 60852 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 304(@200wpm)___ 243(@250wpm)___ 203(@300wpm)
“Thanks,” she murmurs, her face all scrunched up as she glues a bead to her project.
“I’m going to talk to Mom, okay? I’ll be back in before dinner.”
She nods, and I push to my feet, leaving her room. Passing Max’s room, I peer in to make sure he’s still asleep. He’s in his crib, chubby arms above his head, sound asleep. He’ll stay like that all night because he’s a good baby. He’s the best kind. The one you would have a thousand of and it would still never be enough.
Fuckin’ miss him, and Ebony.
It kills me not being here with them all the time.
Rounding the corner into the kitchen, I find Janine just serving up dinner. She has barely spoken to me, and I can see that she has spent the afternoon crying. Her eyes are red, and her face is swollen. I fucking hate that she’s hurting, but more than that, I hate that she won’t talk to me. I fucked up, I know I did, but not being able to be here with her, or for her, is gut wrenching.
“You need help?”
She shakes her head quickly, not turning to look at me.
She avoids eye contact at all times.
I know she hates that I’m here for dinner.
“No.”
Her voice is clipped, and fuck, I know she’s hurting but her not talking to me is fucking painful.
“Janine, can you at least look at me when I’m talkin’ to you?”
I can see her hand shaking as she turns toward me, her eyes puffy and red. “Talk to you? Talk to you? You shouldn’t even be here, Brian. You shouldn’t be in this house because when you’re here, I can’t fucking ...” Her knees shake as she presses a hand over her mouth and tears flow down her cheeks.
Fuck.
Taking a step forward, I catch her as she falls, a broken sob ripping from her chest. I never wanted to do this to her, I never wanted her to hurt. That’s why I wanted to keep it secret, to try and deal with it and have her not know. Stupid plan, I know, but seeing her like this makes me want to tear the world apart just to make her feel safe again.
Her tiny body curls into mine as I squat down, holding her against me. She trembles, her face in my chest, her beautiful hair flowing down around her back. I curl my hand in it, bringing my face down to it and breathing her in. I miss her. The ache in my chest is so strong I don’t know if I can go a single second longer without her.
The moment I have that thought, Harper’s face flashes through my mind.
Why the fuck did she have to come and make things so complicated?
My life was good.
It was.
“Baby, I’m sorry,” I murmur into her hair. “I’m fuckin’ sorry.”
“I want you home,” she sobs. “I want this to all go away. I need you, Muff. I can’t breathe without you.”
Her words sting and my eyes burn as a lump forms in my throat.
Can I do it? Tell Harper to go, to move on with her life, and come home? Am I truly okay with that decision? I don’t fucking know. I have never felt more confused in my entire life. Seeing Harper again raised an old part of me I thought was gone, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel anything toward her—but Janine, she’s fucking special to me, and I love her.
I don’t know if it matters anymore.
I don’t know if she will ever take me back.
“Never wanted to hurt you, Jaybird,” I murmur, swiping a tear away with my thumb. “You gotta know that.”
“But you did hurt me, and that hurt won’t leave,” she whispers, her big, beautiful eyes wide as she looks up at me.
Fuck.
“I just need some time.”
Those words have her pushing away from me and to her feet, then she’s gone without looking back, the front door slamming. Exhaling, I glance down the hall as I stand, making sure Ebony isn’t watching, and then I follow her out. I find her outside by my truck, leaning against it, a soft trickle of rain pouring down and making her hair stick to her face as she stares down at her feet.
“Do you love her, Muff?”
Stopping in front of her, I put a hand on the truck beside her head and lean in. “I loved her, but askin’ me how I feel now is impossible. I thought she was dead, I moved on, but that didn’t mean I stopped caring. I’m still in shock, I don’t know how to fuckin’ feel about anything.”
“But you’re not sure what you want.”
Her eyes meet mine.
“Again, I can’t answer that fuckin’ question. I’m still tryin’ to work out how my ex-wife came back from the dead, and sort through all the feelings that brings. Can’t you understand that?”