Total pages in book: 75
Estimated words: 69170 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 346(@200wpm)___ 277(@250wpm)___ 231(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 69170 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 346(@200wpm)___ 277(@250wpm)___ 231(@300wpm)
He sat across from me in the chair he always gravitated to. “I really messed up, huh.”
“Yes, you did. Let me ask you a question. If I had been the one who cheated, would you take me back?”
“I don’t know.”
“No, you wouldn’t because you’re a man, and your pride means more to you. And even if you did, you would’ve made me jump through hoops.”
“I just wanna be able to tell you that I’m sorry.”
“I know that you are, maybe not for the right reasons though. Tell the truth, aren’t you just sorry that you got caught? That I found out the truth?” All he did was shake his head which I guess was answer enough.
“Forget everything else; let’s just focus on this one thing. Do you know what your cheating did? It told me that my best wasn’t good enough. I raised our kids, made our house a home, and was there for you every step of the way, but it wasn’t good enough. If me at my prime wasn’t enough, what can my old menopausal ass do for you?”
“So, you’re saying you’re gonna go through with it?”
“Yes, I am.”
“I just can’t believe you’re willing to throw away over thirty years.”
“Oh no, sweetheart, you did that. The moment you fell into her crotch, you threw us away. I’m just talking to you for our children’s sake, but the truth is, I never want to see you again. If it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t acknowledge your existence.”
“You hate me.”
“No, I don’t hate you; I’m indifferent to you. You humiliated me, so anything that you’d like to attribute to me when it comes to the demise of our union, you need to look in the mirror and see it staring back at you.”
“This was all you. You wanted to fuck someone else, so you did. And when you got caught, you expected me to go along with your sob story. Okay, I forgive you. There are no hard feelings between us.”
“In the future, when our children are graduating, getting married, having babies, whatever the occasion, I’ll be civil, but you and I, at this moment in time, are no longer friends. Friends don’t hurt each other. You and I are just the parents of four amazing kids. Maybe someday in the future, that could change; who knows? But right now, I don’t have it in me.”
I thought the sight of him looking so broken would hurt me, and it did, but not to the same degree it would’ve before his betrayal. I realized that I needed this as much for me as I did for him because we both needed to move on; this was our new normal.
Daddy was right; I would always know that the vase was broken, and it would drive me insane to have it on display in my house. I’m all for forgiveness; it’s a divine right, but it’s also very misconstrued in life.
For one, the person is supposed to seek forgiveness, and they’re supposed to be contrite. Go and sin no more does not mean go sit in the hospital with the bitch you cheated on me with. He doesn’t realize that all of his actions since the truth came to light are what’s led to this moment.
If he had broken things off with the little slut immediately without having to be told if he had taken responsibility instead of casting blame, there are a lot of ifs, but he didn’t handle any of this right, and I don’t believe he’s sorry for anything more than being caught.
But I can forgive, not for him, but for me, because I need to move on with my life, and I refuse to take the detritus of my broken marriage with me into my new existence, whatever it may be.
JOLENE
“When do you plan to sign the papers?”
“Tomorrow as soon as the lawyer’s office opens. I’ll give you a week to vacate the property.” He reached out for my arm, but I sidestepped him. I was done, just done. I didn’t know how done until I saw fiery rage in my daughter’s eyes.
Somehow, that was the catalyst I needed to let go. I’d be hurting my children more by staying and being unhappy than if I just let go and let us both find happiness, whether with someone else or alone.
I called Sheila and just broke down as soon as she answered the phone. I heard her say something to her husband but couldn’t make it out, then heard a door slam and movement. “You still there, little sister?”
“I’m here!” That was about as much as I could get out.
I don’t know how long I stayed on the phone crying while she reassured me, but ten minutes later, she was in my bedroom. She had a box of wine, a joint, and her Daddy’s shotgun.