Total pages in book: 74
Estimated words: 74022 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 370(@200wpm)___ 296(@250wpm)___ 247(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 74022 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 370(@200wpm)___ 296(@250wpm)___ 247(@300wpm)
~*~*~*~*
NOW – PENELOPE
I’m hiding.
I know it’s pathetic and stupid and I need to go and face him. But I feel dumb for the way I acted—really, really embarrassed. I’m not that girl, I’ve never been that girl, and the fact that I acted like a baby earlier on the phone, overreacting and making a scene, makes me feel damned horrified inside.
But I know I have to talk to him.
I heard him come home half an hour ago, and I’ve not moved from my new home in his guest room. I’ve thought all day about what I need to say to make it better, but nothing is coming to mind. Cassie told me just to say sorry, to be honest and tell him why I reacted, and be done with it. But that seems a whole lot easier said than done.
I’m scared I’ve made him doubt me.
And maybe he doesn’t want to remain friends out of fear that I’ll overreact and won’t be able to handle the situation if he moves on, be it with Chantelle, or anyone else. With an exhale, I stand, straighten my shoulders, and suck it up. I have to do this, and this feeling won’t go away until I do. So, I move toward the door and push it open, stepping out and walking slowly down the hall until I get into the kitchen.
Cassie and Boston are laughing about something and, for a moment, I just stop and watch them. He doesn’t get to spend a lot of time with her, but any time he does have, he tries to give. He’s looking at her with pride, and it’s that look that makes my heart ache even more for him. He’s a good man. The best kind. And it sucks that the situation is what it is.
I clear my throat and Cassie turns, mid laugh, and smiles at me. “I have to go finish my study, I’ll leave you two to it.”
She grins at me as she wheels past, and I give her a smile in return. When she’s gone, I walk over to Boston.
Straight out with it, Penelope.
No more rubbish.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him, my voice not as strong as I’d like but at least it’s coming out clear and not shaky. “I acted like a complete and utter idiot this morning. I overreacted and let my own demons get the better of me. You didn’t deserve that. You’ve been nothing but honest with me, and I allowed myself to get affected over something that is none of my concern.”
I hold his eyes and watch him study me for a few moments, before he says, his voice low and husky, “I get it, fuck, I get it Penny. But you gotta understand how fuckin’ hard this is on me. Best thing for all of us would be no time together, at all. But Cassie loves you, you’re my friend, and you have no home. Chantelle is in danger, and she’s my friend, too. Makes it fuckin’ hard to turn my back, even though I’m sure it would be best if I did. You gotta understand that.”
I nod. “I do understand that, and I honestly appreciate that you’re helping me so much. I know it makes it hard.”
“What makes it hard is I want to talk to you both, I want to be around you, but I shouldn’t fuckin’ be. Nobody is ever goin’ to get past this if we’re always communicating, so, I have to make a fuckin’ hard choice.”
My heart starts pounding as I stare at him. “Told Chantelle the same this morning. I’m not into hurtin’ people for my own pleasure, but I’m also not able to not help you both, I couldn’t stop now even if I wanted to. But that doesn’t mean I need to be around the both of you all the time. I’ve put myself way too fuckin’ close, and that’s on me. Could have had anyone watch Chantelle’s place last night, could keep my distance from you when I’m home here. I choose not to. But, think the time has come, for me to do my protectin’ through the club, and create some distance.”
My heart sinks, and the sudden urge to beg him not to do that because I’ll miss him like crazy, overwhelms me. But I say nothing. Because, as much as I don’t want to stop talking to my friend, I know he’s right. The only way any of us is going to move on and stop this from spiraling out of control, is to create some distance until the feeling goes away.
“I understand,” I whisper. “But it really sucks, Boston. You’re my friend, above all else, and I won’t lie and say it’s not going to suck not talking to you.”
“You can talk to me, but it has to be basic conversations, nothing intimate, nothing deep, and no extra time spent together. It’s fuckin’ hard for me, too. Understand that. But I’m not into hurtin’ people, and my feelings are fuckin’ me over. I can’t protect either one of you properly if they’re weighing me down. Will be makin’ sure you’re both safe, rest assured, but I’ll be doin’ that with as little communication as possible.”