Total pages in book: 112
Estimated words: 106600 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 533(@200wpm)___ 426(@250wpm)___ 355(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106600 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 533(@200wpm)___ 426(@250wpm)___ 355(@300wpm)
“Billy?”
“Huh?” I say, looking up at Carson.
“Next weekend. Do you want to come on a date with me?”
I knit my brows. I haven’t heard a word he said. I look around and Mack is on the other side of the gym, barking out orders.
“I … I … uh.”
“Never mind. You know, you can’t do life alone, Billy. I get that you’re strong and you can do it by yourself, but you shouldn’t have to. You don’t have to. I’m always here,” he says as he reaches to brush his thumb against my cheek.
“Car, you’re like a brother to me. I know you want more, but I don’t think it’s a good idea. I’m okay with my life. I like having my own space and not having to answer to anyone.
“Be honest, you’re a cop. I’m a cop. In what world will that work? The job will always come between us. We’d be like ships passing in the night. You’re bound to get tired and want to move on,” I say.
“I would never want to move on from you. You’re the reason why I stay.”
“I shouldn’t be. Listen, I need to go. See you next week?”
He takes a step back and nods. I feel like shit for not being able to give him more, but I’m not about to force a relationship I’m not feeling. That will never be me.
“Yeah, next week,” he says. “Or we could have a few beers sometime this week after work.”
I shrug my shoulders. “Maybe.”
He gives me a blinding smile. “I’m going to hold you to that. I’ll text you.”
“Cool, later.”
I turn to leave the ring and sigh. You can’t say I haven’t tried to tell him it’s never going to happen. This wouldn’t be the first time. It’s like he’s convinced himself I’m going to change my mind.
I’m not. I never want to settle. When people settle, they wake up one day miserable as they look around at their lives. Then the home is broken.
I would never want to do that to a child. There is nothing worse in the world than being small and feeling alone. I know that feeling too well.
I grind my teeth. Candido Ricci isn’t just scum. He’s the worse kind of scum. A criminal and a deadbeat father.
I’m ashamed to know I come from him. As I step into the locker room to shower and go home, I glance in the mirror, trying to see if I can find a trace of that scumbag in my face. I must have gotten my warm cocoa-brown complexion from my mother.
Although Ricci is a tanned Italian man, he’s not anywhere near as dark as I am. I’m clearly a Black woman even with my reddish-brown wavy hair and reddish-brown eyes. I have never passed the brown paper bag test and couldn’t pass for white even if I tried.
I’ve seen two of my sisters and they are both lighter than me. A frown comes to my lips, and I roll my eyes. My father wouldn’t be able to deny any of us. When I look into his eyes to lock him up, I will be looking into eyes I’ve seen almost every day of my life.
“Of all the assholes in the world, you would be my father,” I mutter to myself.
A gasp leaves my lips as I stumble back a step. I could swear that the mirror I was looking into just rippled before my eyes as if made of liquid. Lifting my hand to palm my forehead, I shake my head clear.
Maybe I’m pushing too hard. I’m spreading myself thin. Between my work hours and the hours I put in investigating my sperm donor and his family—I might be driving myself crazy.
I still can’t explain what happened the other night. I groan and turn to strip down and wrap my hair up before grabbing my towel and heading for the shower stalls.
The place is empty today. Mack has been complaining about the lack of female clientele. I’ve been wanting to sit with him to brainstorm to fix that. This place is his life.
I would hate to see him struggle to keep the doors open. Maybe I can leave some flyers around for him or lead a self-defense class for the ladies or something.
I turn on the shower spray as ideas begin to run through my head. The warm water begins to cascade down on me, loosening my muscles. Releasing a moan of relief, I lift my face to the spray.
Suddenly as the water hits my face, it’s like I’m sucked out of my body and I’m plunged into water. Bubbles pour from my nose as I begin to move my arms and legs. Looking around, I try to figure out what’s going on.
Schools of fish in all sorts of beautiful colors float by and gorgeous reefs of coral are all around me. A dolphin swims up to me and it’s like he’s assessing me.