Total pages in book: 176
Estimated words: 167257 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 836(@200wpm)___ 669(@250wpm)___ 558(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 167257 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 836(@200wpm)___ 669(@250wpm)___ 558(@300wpm)
Me.
“If I thought for one moment that the test would come back positive, I would have walked away as soon as Jada told me.”
But it didn’t feel entirely like the truth. Because that would imply moving on and forgetting Atlas would be easy when it would be the hardest thing I ever had to do. It felt impossible.
“But you did walk away,” she accused. “You stopped talking to me, touching me…you wouldn’t even look at me, Owen.”
“It wasn’t because I believed it was true! Okay, I’ll admit at first, it fucked me up. I shut down. But once the shock wore off, and I was able to search inside myself—I mean really look deep, Atlas—I realized it was bullshit and decided not to tell you. I thought that would be the end of it and I could go back to normal. Loving you, fucking you, and finding new ways to make you smile. But I…I couldn’t. Without concrete proof, a small part of me still wondered, still feared that maybe it was true and what it would do to you if you found out. I hated Jada for planting that seed. You’d already been through so much. Lost everyone you ever cared about, and now there was a chance I’d have to walk away too and leave you to walk this earth alone again. I told myself the answer was simple. You wouldn’t find out. Ever. I didn’t want to put you through that kind of trauma. Because it was, Atlas. Living in a reality where there was even a chance I’d been fucking my own daughter was traumatic as fuck. I didn’t want to imagine what it would do to you. Yeah, there was no way we could have known, but it didn’t stop me from feeling like shit. I dragged you into this fucked-up situation with me. I pursued you, seduced you, and made you be with me. This was all on me, and I wanted it to stay that way. But now I was keeping this huge secret from you, so the guilt tripled until I was just…stuck. I did all of that to keep you from feeling any pain. I switched up, and you didn’t know why. I couldn’t see until too late that I was hurting you anyway by keeping you in the dark.”
By the time I finished spilling my guts, there was a thoughtful furrow in her brow. “You said you hated Jada for planting that seed. You seem so sure that it’s not true. Is there a reason she’d have to lie?”
“I don’t know.” I bit my lip and kept my gaze straight ahead, suddenly finding the IHU students walking to and from classes fascinating.
The car was silent for a while, and then, “I think you do,” Atlas returned icily. I could feel her breathing fast and hard now. “When was the last time you fucked her, Owen?” I closed my eyes, not wanting to answer. Noting my hesitation and the tension in my body, Atlas let out a derisive laugh and added, “Let me guess…it wasn’t twenty years ago.”
“No.”
“How recent?”
My hands shook, actually fucking shook, as I ran them up and down my thighs as if the friction it created would give me the strength I needed not to lie. I never had trouble giving the brutal truth before because I’d never cared about hurting anyone’s feelings. Lately, I’d been wishing I could go back to the man I was before Atlas found me.
“When, Rowdy?” she snapped. Atlas using my street name was never a good sign.
“We never fucking stopped!” I finally blurted. Seeing her ebon eyes open wide in alarm, I rushed to add, “Not until you. The last time was before I even met you. Jada tried to keep it going, but I shut the shit down after we got together and told her it was never happening again.”
“So…best case scenario is your best friend’s wife has it out for me and is lying to break us up, and worst case scenario is that my own fucking mother has it out for me and is telling the truth just to break us up?” She tilted her head to the side. “Do I have that correct, Owen? Is there anyone else in my family tree you fucked? Demi, maybe?”
I’d forgotten that Demi was Jada’s first cousin. That would make her Atlas’s cousin too.
“Chill.”
Atlas sneered. “It’s a valid question.”
“I’ve never fucked Demi, nor would I ever. Roc is my boy. I wouldn’t do him dirty like that.”
“And Joren isn’t?”
“Joren isn’t in love with his wife!” I roared. Atlas flinched, so I forced myself to calm down. “I don’t think he ever was.”
The only reason I hadn’t come clean before was because Joren’s pride ran deeper than his love for his wife. Much deeper. He’d never forgive me.