Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 86841 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 434(@200wpm)___ 347(@250wpm)___ 289(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 86841 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 434(@200wpm)___ 347(@250wpm)___ 289(@300wpm)
I had already heard enough of this from Jude. Why did I have to be tormented with more? Was it not enough that I’d fallen in love with a man who could never love me in return?
“He’s told me all this,” I said, wanting him to shut up. Go away.
“That’s surprising, but then maybe not. Jude puts her first, above everything. Even in her death. He gave his life to God because he didn’t see another path without Delana. And now, he’s a man, who sees a face that is impossible to resist. He might act like a man, but his heart is off-limits, and you deserve to be loved.”
Tears burned my eyes as my throat closed up. I wanted to scream.
Why did this one thing have to keep being hammered over my head?
I got it! I am not enough. I understand.
“I know,” I replied. “Trust me, I know.”
A pained expression touched his eyes. “I didn’t tell you this to hurt you. I was trying to warn you to stop that from happening.”
I sniffled and wiped at my eyes. “Too late. But then I wouldn’t have listened.”
Not wanting this man to see me cry, I turned and walked away. There was nothing he could tell me that I didn’t already know. It wouldn’t change a thing. The damage was done.
Thirty-Five
Jude
One hundred twenty-nine unread text messages, two hundred five calls that rang continuously with no answer. I was unraveling. I hadn’t gotten any sleep. It felt like a wrecking ball had gone straight through my chest.
The desperation in her blue eyes as she had pleaded with me silently, my having to ignore it, shut her out, then seeing her heart breaking right there in front of me, had shattered me in ways I hadn’t known I could break. I reached up and ran a hand over my face. She had walked away, the light gone from her eyes, devastation replacing it, and I’d had to excuse myself to go vomit in the bathroom. Heaving from the unbearable pain of what I’d had to do. Everything in me screamed to go after her, but I couldn’t.
I had been faced with a choice. Someone had to be hurt. My decision would cause devastation either way. If I chose her, then I betrayed Delana, her parents, the parish, and God. If I let her go…only two hearts were broken.
Thirty-Six
Saylor
Gathe moved into the booth beside me, sliding another dirty martini with three olives in front of me. “All right, Princess, this is number five. I’m gonna be carrying you out of here tonight, it seems.”
I picked it up and took a drink. “Good,” I replied. “Four didn’t make it go away. Maybe five will.”
Than sat across from us. “Okay, you wanted to go get drunk on a Monday night. We agreed because you looked like you needed it. But you won’t tell us why you’re drinking yourself into the hangover from hell.”
I hadn’t told them.
Didn’t want to.
“Hurts too much,” I said, then laughed, but it sounded more like a cry. “What’s wrong with me?” I stared at Than.
He was blunt. He’d tell me. Gathe would lie.
He shrugged. “Nothing. Well, you’re spoiled, but that comes with the territory. Hence the name Princess.”
My eyes burned. I bet she hadn’t been spoiled—Delana. She had been beautiful and sweet. I’d never been sweet.
“Sweet is overrated,” Gathe said, bumping my shoulder. “Who’s Delana?”
“I didn’t mean…mean…to say that out loud.” My words were starting to slur some. Oops. I took another drink.
“You did. So, who is it?” Gathe asked again.
I lifted my martini glass up. “An angel in heaven—that’s who. The kind that men fall in love with. Don’t want to live without. Not like me. They don’t want to keep me. Because I’m spoiled.”
I took another drink.
“Hey now. I was teasing your ass,” Than said. “You are lovable. And we’re the ones who spoiled you. That’s not a bad thing.”
I laughed. “I don’t wanna be lovable. That’s for teddy bears and cute little puppies. I want to be someone’s Halo.” There, that made sense.
I could see Than wince.
“See, you know. You know I’ll never be that. Not me. I’m not like Delana and Halo.”
Gathe’s hand brushed hair behind my ear. “Hey, come on now. I thought you’d put that stuff behind you. You like Halo.”
I nodded. “I do like her. Hell, who doesn’t? You can’t not like her. Men can’t help falling in love with her.”
Than and Gathe exchanged looks. I rolled my eyes. They were gonna give me a pep talk. Not going to help, but bless them, they meant well.
“Who is Delana?” Than asked, putting his elbows on the table as he looked at me like the answer was going to appear on my forehead.
The image of that happening made me giggle.
“Delana,” I said, pointing my glass at him and sloshing some over the side. Frowning, I looked at my wet hand. “Oh man. I spilled some.”