Total pages in book: 129
Estimated words: 122216 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 611(@200wpm)___ 489(@250wpm)___ 407(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 122216 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 611(@200wpm)___ 489(@250wpm)___ 407(@300wpm)
I don’t switch my sweater back on. “I’m not feeling so merry right now.”
The snow starts to fall more heavily, somehow making me even more upset. I love snow. It’s one of my favorite things about this time of year. My mind drifts to being snowed in with Brendan, both of us huddled next to the fire. Him giving me more of those kisses that leave me breathless. My eyes water when I realize that’s not going to happen.
“He’s not a good guy, honey.” Laura pats my leg again.
I don’t like hearing her say it. How many times have I called him a jerk and worse? But when she says it, it makes me want to defend him. I said all those things before I got to know him. He doesn't seem like any of those nasty words now. During our time together, I never felt as though anything he said was practiced or contrived. My head wants to believe Laura, but my heart refuses.
“Don’t you think it’s a lot of work to get close to me for the sole purpose of sabotaging my Christmas decorations?” I try and reason. “That’s a little crazy, don’t you think?” He said he’d only put them up to get my attention. He gave me the lights he bought for his own home so that I wouldn’t go without. I can’t wrap my head around this entire situation. None of it makes sense to me.
“You’ll make excuses for anyone because you’re sweet like that. This is why you need a friend like me. To keep bad men like Satan Claus away.”
“It’s not an excuse,” I mumble, feeling defeated. “I’m just not sure I buy it. He seemed so genuine.”
She doesn't respond to my comments, then grows eerily silent, which is weird for Laura.
I think about the look on his face when I’d gotten up to leave the bakery. I could tell he wanted to reach for me, to pull me to him and hold me close. I’d wanted him to, but Laura wasn't having it, and the last thing I wanted to do was make a scene. I’d rather a hole open up in the ground and swallow me than have everyone stare. I almost had a panic attack trying to get out of there.
I turn to look at Laura as she pulls into my driveway. “Why do you think he’s only into me because of the Christmas competition? Is it because I’m weird, and no one could possibly like me for me? Is it so outrageous that someone would want to date me and spend time with me?” I’m a pretty docile person, but I say the words with annoyance in my voice.
Laura jerks back at my questions. It stings to think the competition—which isn’t a competition—was the only reason Brendan wanted to get to know me. The thought of me not being pretty enough or having the right personality to make him want to spend time with me is crushing. I want to believe Laura is my friend and she’s trying to do what’s best for me, but the way she’s making me feel in the process is terrible. It’s bad enough that I’ve never felt good enough about myself and have always referred to myself as weird. Her assumption that Brendan was only after me because he was trying to win hurts my heart. She may be right, but I’m disappointed that her mind immediately went to that place.
Her face goes soft, but her tone remains serious. “He’s a bad guy, honey. You need to stay away from him. He’s not who you think he is.”
“What? Why would you say that?” I push. If this isn't about the Christmas competition, then why do I need to stay away from him?
“You just have to trust me on this one.” She gives me a small smile. “Us spies know things,” she adds with a small smile.
I nod because there isn't anything else to say. I know I’m not going to change her mind.
“Are you coming in?” I ask, trying to be polite. I really want to be alone for a minute to collect myself. My head is starting to hurt. My mind slips back to some of the things my mom used to say about me. I wall those thoughts off immediately, not wanting to go there today. I don’t need to feel worse about myself.
“I’ve got some stuff to handle, but I’ll check on you later.”
I lean over, giving her a hug before getting out of her car and heading inside. I unlock the door and push it open. My hand goes to switch the power on for the Christmas lights outside, but I pause, pulling back. I can’t bring myself to turn them on, so I don’t. I let the door fall closed behind me. I’m not in the mood for any holiday joy.