Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 91767 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 459(@200wpm)___ 367(@250wpm)___ 306(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91767 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 459(@200wpm)___ 367(@250wpm)___ 306(@300wpm)
Paul smiles and I imagine myself punching him out of his chair.
He reads his notes. “You are here because you have control issues.”
“No.”
Paul looks up at me, “Why are you here, Edward?”
“Because I promised my sister, Charlotte, that I would see a psychologist.”
He runs his finger up his temple as he watches me. “Charlotte is important to you?”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “This is a waste of time, this is my sixth visit and I’m not getting anywhere with you. Of course she’s fucking important to me, why else would I be here?”
“You can’t fix a problem until you admit it, Edward.”
I sit forward in my chair. “I don’t have a problem. I like control, I like to take it from people…I like to assert mine. That’s not a problem…it’s an asset.”
His eyes hold mine. “How is that working out for you relationship wise?”
I run my hand through my hair.
He keeps reading my notes. “Take your time.”
Fuck off.
I glance at my watch.
“On our second visit you told me that you have had a string of broken relationships. That you like strong women but they can only take your need to control for so long before they leave.”
“I leave them,” I reply, angered.
“Do you leave them because you want to, or do you leave them because you begin to feel out of control yourself?”
I roll my lips.
“You see, I think that you know that you have an issue, and that you hide behind Charlotte making you come here. That deep down you want to see me and you want to correct this.”
I stay silent.
“Am I right?”
I feel adrenaline scream through my body. “Maybe.”
“Tell me this, Edward, have you ever thought of tackling control head-on?”
“Isn’t that what we’re doing?” I roll my eyes, “Can you hear the things you say sometimes? How am I paying for this bullshit?”
“You are here because I’m left field and I get success. Regardless of how unorthodox my suggestions, there’s no denying I do.”
I exhale, it’s true, he is supposed to be the best.
“You’ve told me that you’re a highly sexed individual,” he says.
“Yes.”
“How often do you like to have sex?”
“Daily.”
“And if you don’t have sex?”
“I fuck my hand,” I reply coldly. “Get to the point.”
“What would you consider the ultimate handover of power to a sexual partner?”
“A woman?” I ask.
“Is that your sexual preference?”
“That’s my only preference.”
“Okay…let’s run with that. How far would you let a woman dominate you in the bedroom?”
“I wouldn’t.”
He sits back in his chair and smiles. “Not at all? Not even in the moment?”
“Where are you going with this?”
“You came to me because I get results and we are getting nowhere in this office. Let’s explore other possibilities.”
He digs through his drawer and slides a card over the desk to me.
THE ESTABLISHMENT
“What’s this?” I ask.
“It’s a private facility in Switzerland, I think it would be very beneficial for you to visit.”
“Why?”
He folds his hands in front of him. “I would like you to explore the possibility of handing your power over to a woman. Give yourself completely over to the experiment.”
I frown as his words roll around in my head. “Meaning what?”
“Have you ever thought of visiting a Dominatrix?”
“Nobody is fucking me with a strap-on cock,” I spit.
He smiles, clearly amused by my horror. “It doesn’t have to come to that but I think it would be good for you to explore other ways to hand over your sexuality and vulnerability and to learn trust.”
“No.” I shake my head. “No fucking way in hell.”
“You might like it.” He smirks.
“Absolutely know I won’t.”
“It’s one weekend. Confidentiality is assured and you will be anonymously matched with a woman who has the same needs as you.”
“What woman would need this?”
He smiles. “I’d like you to find out.”
“No.”
“If you go and you can’t go through with it…at least you’ll know.”
“Know what?”
“That there is a control issue and that way we have a good place to start moving forward.”
“What in the hell is letting a woman dominate me in bed going to do?”
“It’s going to free you from fear.”
“I’m not scared.”
“Prove it.”
Six months later.
Alora.
“Is there anything else I can help you with, Miss Doe?” the bellboy asks.
Like what…?
Wait…do the bellboys give out sexual favors here too?
Oh dear god, I want to run far, far away.
What the hell am I doing here?
“No.” I force a smile. “I’m good.” I close the door of my suite and sit on the bed and look around. I’m at the Establishment, the kink hotel in Switzerland.
I flop back onto the bed and look up at the ceiling as I search for divine guidance. After going round and round for months I knew if I didn’t do this now…that the wish list wouldn’t be completed. I have no idea if my future boyfriend or husband is going to be into it and if he’s isn’t I can’t do it with someone else.