Total pages in book: 112
Estimated words: 107687 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 538(@200wpm)___ 431(@250wpm)___ 359(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 107687 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 538(@200wpm)___ 431(@250wpm)___ 359(@300wpm)
She holds out the paper to me, and I take it without hesitation. When I see my name at the top, my insides clench, and when I look back at her, I find her hurrying out. I want to call her back, stop her, but something tells me not to. I look down at the sheet, her beautiful script staring back up at me.
Dimitri,
You are absolutely impossible! The audacity you have is frustrating and more. Your ego is bigger than all of Russia and then some. How dare you tease me and exploit me for what I read and enjoy. How could you read my book? How could you take that private enjoyment away from me? Just knowing you know what I am reading has me shaking with anger. I want to beat you with the damn book! How dare you look at me like you enjoy making my life hard. You called me Janie in front of my sisters. You told them about the book. You laughed at me with them. How dare you!
I have never been so mad in my life, and what drives me even more insane is how you make me feel. Your eyes make my insides scream. Those damn dimples of yours make me want to touch them, caress them. When you smile, I swear time stands still, and it’s so annoying because I don’t want to feel any of this. I want nothing more than to never speak to you again. To never have our gazes meet. To just stay away from you. But it’s so hard when I want nothing more than to experience everything I could ever dream of with you.
I have stopped dreaming and thinking of Claudius and started thinking of you. Wishing it were you covering my body with yours and holding me against you. You keep me up at night, making me wild with desire, and it’s unfair that you do it, because I don’t even think you try. I don’t even think you want me or desire me, but then you say, name the time and place? For what? And I’m pretty sure it’s not to start a book club!
What the hell is wrong with me? How could I think these things or even want to act on them? I shouldn’t be writing you this letter, but it’s how I’ve healed over the years. I write letters to the people who have hurt me, but you don’t hurt me. You’d never do such a thing.
You make me want to experience things I can’t even imagine.
You make me want to live.
But I hate you.
I do.
So, fuck you.
-A
I read the letter three more times, and each time, my grin grows wider. Her words are like a drug I could get addicted to, her thoughts a symphony to my senses, and her feelings…I want to drown in them. I fold the letter, chuckling to myself, before I take out my wallet. I slip the letter in there for safekeeping as my grin hurts my face. I chuckle to myself. “Oh, my little sakharok, it’s game on.”
nineteen
Austen
Sakharok…sugar.
Fuck, Austen.
“What the hell are you doing?”
“I have absolutely no fucking clue.”
I’m not even out of the room before the interaction is playing over and over again. The feel of him, the way his eyes burned into mine, his words, his touch… Oh God. The way Dimitri’s fingers slid beneath my rubber bands, stopping me from popping myself before he held my arms to the wall, shakes me to my core. No one has ever prevented me from popping like that. Just his touch. And even though I was reeling and freaking out, I was somehow calm. Until he said he wanted to lick me there, and then I was a goner. Which makes no sense whatsoever.
Oh my God, I’m a walking train wreck.
I rush down the hall, clutching my notebook to my chest, willing myself not to cry when, all of a sudden, Shelli turns the corner.
Damn it.
Her brows come in instantly as she takes me in. “Austen, are you okay?”
I nod, plastering on a huge, fake grin. “Absolutely. Why?”
She eyes me. “You look like you’re about to cry.”
I wave her off. “Allergies. They’re awful here…” But my words trail off when I realize she isn’t listening to me. Her gaze is behind me, and soon, I am holding my breath. I feel him walking up, I see how straight Shelli’s back goes, and the tension appears instantly. A bundle of nerves, I follow her gaze to find Dimitri walking toward us like he isn’t the least bit affected by what just happened between us. I don’t know how he isn’t on the floor in the fetal position, because that’s where I want to be for sure. I look back at Shelli, and I watch as her mouth flattens into a line. She narrows her eyes as she leans in, “Did he do something to you?”