Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 84227 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84227 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
“I’m going to Josh’s. Me, him, and Nat are going to hang out,” I finally said. It didn’t help me feel better that I conceded and told him what I was doing that night.
“Have fun. Be good. Don’t get yourself into any trouble.”
“With Josh and Natalie? What do you think I’m going to do? And I’m allowed to be bad, Griff. I do it quite often.” Now I was pissed at him again. What twenty-eight-year-old wanted their brother to tell them to be good?
“Someone’s touchy. I didn’t mean anything by it.”
He never did, did he? Griffin was being…himself, the person who loved me most in the world. That didn’t change the outcome. “It’s fine. Whatever. Have fun with Chase.” Who I was pretty sure had called Griff to hang out because he felt guilty about me. Not that that was the only reason he wanted to hang out with my brother, but I knew it was part of it. That was how Chase Hawthorne worked. “I probably won’t be home tonight.”
“Okay. You have fun too,” Griff replied, then walked out.
I finished getting ready and packed a bag for Josh’s. He had an extra room at his place that I often crashed in. He’d offered for me to move in and be his roommate, but I said no. Maybe I would take him up on that offer. It would be good for me to get out of the house I shared with my brother. We probably needed space from each other. We would probably both benefit from it.
Josh had a little blue house on one acre, which was still in town, but down a longish driveway and set back from the road. When I got there, I opened the door without knocking because that’s how Josh and I were. Natalie was already there. They were both leaning over the table, looking at what I knew was a model car, because Josh was a weird-ass and dug building toy cars.
I dropped my bag. They both turned around and looked at me. “I’m going to start a secret friends-with-benefits relationship with Chase,” tumbled out of my mouth. It was dumb, and I should have tried to stop it, but this was Nat and Josh. I didn’t keep things from them. I couldn’t even if I wanted to.
“Ah, hell,” Josh groaned.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Nat asked.
“Gee, thanks. I already regret telling you both. What about a response like, Hey, Kell. That’s awesome. You deserve to have as much sex as you want with your childhood crush!”
“Except it’s not a childhood crush because you’re twenty-eight,” Josh replied.
“And you’re in love with him,” Natalie added.
“And the last time you fucked him, you sneaked out of his house and I had to pick you up.”
“Sorry you had to get out of bed and come get me.” I crossed my arms.
He rolled his eyes. “Stop being dramatic. You know I don’t give a shit about that. I’d do anything for you, and you know it.”
Natalie walked over and wrapped her arms around my waist. “We just don’t want you to get hurt.”
Leaning in, I rested my chin on her shoulder. She was the best. They both were. “I know.” And I did. Just… “I can’t walk away from him. I don’t have it in me. I know it’s a mistake. I know I’ll get hurt. It’ll be one more fuck-up from Kellan, the weird, gay Caine boy who can’t keep it together, but…I want him,” I admitted. “I’ve always wanted him, and the way he talks to me, the way he looks at me…he wants me too. He was never supposed to want me. It was never supposed to be a possibility, not for me, but he does, and I can’t walk away from that.”
I wasn’t fooling myself. I knew Chase wasn’t in love with me. This would never go anywhere, but there was something in the way he’d spoken to me in the truck, something in the way he’d looked at me and touched me, that made me feel cared for on a level deeper than simply desire.
Maybe I was imagining it. Or maybe the close bond was because of Griff, but there was something there.
“You know I hate this guy, right? And when this shit ends between the two of you, I’m going to hate him even more,” Josh said.
“It’s not his fault. He doesn’t know I’m in love with him. Most of the time, it’s been me making the first move. He’s not doing anything wrong.” I was the one who kept pushing.
“He’s hiding you. That’s wrong,” Josh gritted out.
Again, I wondered why I couldn’t love Josh and why he couldn’t love me. Life would be so much easier that way. “He left it up to me. I could have walked away. I told him it was what I wanted. And hell, when have you ever seen me flaunting someone I was sleeping with around Havenwood? That shit has never and will never happen. It’s not like I’ve had all these relationships and Chase is asking something from me that isn’t exactly what I always do.”