Total pages in book: 78
Estimated words: 73930 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 370(@200wpm)___ 296(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73930 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 370(@200wpm)___ 296(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
“Oh, I don’t —” I turn and look at Kelly, who’s standing at too far a distance to hear the invitation. I want to go with them so badly. I want to sit next to them at a bar, or a table, and let my legs press against theirs. I want to watch them talk and see them laugh, and memorize every detail of their faces, but that would all be a horrible mistake. “I have work in the morning,” I tell them.
If they hadn’t just had their arms around me, I might have gone with them. But now that they’ve touched me, now that they’ve held me — even though it was just for pictures and they’ve probably held hundreds of women tonight — I know that I can’t bear to go to the bar with them. It will hurt too much. It already hurts now, and the only way I can think to try to lessen the pain is to be away from them.
“Okay,” Trevor says, sounding disappointed.
“Maybe we can get together sometime when we’re back on the island,” Adrian says.
“I’ll look forward to that. Good luck at training!” I manage to sound excited as I wish them well. Then, after another quick hug from each of them, I leave.
Thankfully, Duke isn’t anywhere around, because I’m barely holding myself together by the time we get to the parking lot.
“Want to talk about it?” Kelly asks.
“Maybe some other time.”
When we get to her car, she brings out a box of tissues that were in her back seat and hands them to me. The ride home is silent except for my occasional sniffling.
Life goes on, weeks go by, and things start to get better. I still have no urge to meet anyone new, but I decide there’s no need to rush. I don’t want to go out with another man and have to force a good mood. Whoever my date is, I know I’d be tempted to make comparisons.
Would they be as funny and charming as Trevor? Could they match Garrett in intelligence and caring? Would they be as attractive as Adrian, and as driven to serve the greater good? Odds are slim that they could be anywhere near as big and take-charge as Duke and still possess such tenderness.
I’ve tried to be patient with myself, but this can’t be normal. At lunch at work, I log on to my company’s healthcare plan to see if I have mental health coverage. It may be time to talk with a therapist and get some tools to help me move on.
I’ve taken to eating lunch at my desk. Today, when I go into the break room to get my food, I find Garrett sitting alone at a table eating a sandwich.
“Hi,” he says, smiling at me.
I still think about what could have been on a near-daily basis, but things between Garrett and I have gone almost back to normal, minus the friendly lunches where we used to share the details of our lives with each other.
“Hey.” As I go past him to reach the refrigerator, I notice a checkerboard pattern on the screen of his phone, which is propped up on the table next to him. “Are you playing chess?”
“Yeah, I’m actually playing with Trevor. Adrian’s been playing too. It’s been a nice way to stay in touch.”
“Oh.” Somehow, I hadn’t expected the men to stay in contact. “How are they doing?”
He puts his sandwich down. “Good. Sounds like training is pretty intense, but they love it.”
“That’s good,” I say.
“Seems like Duke misses them,” Garrett adds when I start to turn toward the door.
“You’ve been in touch with him too?”
He grins and nods. “I know. We’re an unlikely pair, aren’t we? I actually went fishing with all three of the guys right before Trevor and Adrian left, and then last weekend, Duke invited me to go again.”
I know what he means about them being an odd pair, but in my imagination and in my memories, they’re almost always together, along with Trevor and Adrian. All four of them go together perfectly in my mind. Knowing that they were all together in real life after the nights we spent together definitely makes me feel some type of way.
There must be something showing on my face, because Garrett’s tone turns serious, and he asks, “Do you miss them?”
With so many emotions running through me, I verbalize my thoughts without thinking better of it. “I miss all of us being together,” I admit. “Maybe that’s why I was a virgin for so long, because my heart knew that it was going to get way too involved.”
Garrett’s brows lift. “I didn’t realize you felt that way.”
I shrug and shake my head, forcing a little laugh to lighten the mood, even though there’s nothing funny except for my pitiful feelings.