Total pages in book: 62
Estimated words: 58840 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 294(@200wpm)___ 235(@250wpm)___ 196(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 58840 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 294(@200wpm)___ 235(@250wpm)___ 196(@300wpm)
“I’m sorry,” I say, eyes still cast down.
Chase lets out a deep sigh, and I wonder if I should just see myself out, when he says, “You know how important the club’s reputation is to me and my brothers.”
I nod, and force myself to look him in the eyes, because he deserves that respect.
“We put on a sexy show, but everything needs to be professional. It’s a male revue show, not a sex club. Some people in this town already have issues with us and are just waiting to hear about things crossing a line, in the hopes of getting us shut down.”
I knew some people on the island were against Club Red opening, but I didn’t know it was an ongoing concern. “I’m so sorry, Chase. I know I let you down. I let the club down, and I don’t know what else to say except how sorry I am about what happened. And not that it matters now, but everything went smoothly with the shows themselves. I ran through my checklists at every show; I was always present, and I never once had a careless attitude. That part was not true.”
I’m not saying any of this with any hope of saving my job; I just want to let Chase know that despite my massive indiscretion, I care about the club, too, and about doing my job well, even though that doesn’t matter anymore.
He’s quiet for what feels like a month, but is probably only a minute. I’m waiting for the axe to fall, and am not sure I’m hearing him properly when he says, “Go home for now. Come back tomorrow at eleven, and we’ll discuss what happens next.”
I start to question what he’s saying and confirm that I’m being fired, but I stop myself, and decide to do what Chase is telling me to do. He probably needs time to consult his brothers and prepare termination paperwork. I’m definitely being fired, but it’s apparently going to be a slow, drawn-out process, and that’s fine. I deserve to suffer.
On my way out, I manage to avoid Rose — there’s no way I could cope with her perpetual happy mood right now — but then I run smack into Duke, the club’s security manager, who’s also a friend. “Hey, Brittany. You’re back. How did the tour go?”
I consider telling him everything was fine, but as soon as he speaks, his expression changes to concern, and I know I won’t be able to cover how I’m feeling. “I fucked up,” I say.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
I shake my head and bite my lip.
“It’ll be okay,” he says. “It was just your first run. It’ll go better next time.”
There won’t be a next time, but I thank him for his encouragement and try to bring out something close to a smile. “Say hello to Autumn and the guys for me,” I tell him.
“Will do. Give your sister my best.” He gives me a nod and continues on his way inside.
My sister. Another wave of nausea passes through me at the thought of Lorraine. I’m the older sister, yet Lorraine is the one with the great job, a big house, a nice car, and all of that. I’m not jealous of her — I love that she has a successful career — but how am I going to bring myself to tell her how badly I fucked up?
Even though I’d always had crappy jobs, I’d never been fired. Not until now. I finally had a good job, and I messed it all up just to get some dick.
I know it was more than that, though. It wasn’t just about the dick, even though that might be what originally tempted me.
I care about those four men, even though I don’t want to, even though I know I shouldn’t. And it’s been my lifelong downfall to care for men when I shouldn’t. They haven’t done anything to hurt me, but they’re wrong for me just the same. Now, because I can’t break out of my destructive patterns, I’m losing my job.
35
BRITTANY
When I get home, I block out the world. I put my phone in “do not disturb” mode and climb into bed long before dark. Somehow, mercifully, I sleep solidly through the night, no dreams, no nightmares.
In the morning, there are missed calls from Owen and Jordan, and a string of texts from all four men, separately and in a group chat. They don’t say much of anything specific, and I hope that means that they haven’t lost their jobs.
They’re asking how I am and wanting me to get in touch with them, and maybe after my meeting with Chase I’ll be ready to talk things through with them and close the chapter. And then I can start job hunting, with the hope that the Stanton brothers are lenient enough not to put a big black mark on my employment record.