Total pages in book: 137
Estimated words: 129084 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 645(@200wpm)___ 516(@250wpm)___ 430(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 129084 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 645(@200wpm)___ 516(@250wpm)___ 430(@300wpm)
I grab a lobster and head toward the register, figuring Max will probably like it if she hates it. Or I’ll keep it if they don’t.
The salesgirl grins, looking at my hands. “What treasures did you find?”
“Cars for my little guy and a stuffed lobster for my . . .” Friend? Baby mama? This is so fucking confusing. “Friend.”
“I think your friend and son will love these. Would you like me to gift wrap them?”
“Yes, please.”
She takes the supplies and taps on the register. “I’ll wrap them extra special.”
“Thank you.”
A few minutes later, I go to the coffee shop with my bag of presents and sit with an espresso at a table near the window. Scrolling emails does nothing to take my mind off Liv and Max. I even attempt to reply to a few, but my head is not in it. A few days ago, I was riding high on a new job, making friends at the office, enjoying life in the city, and discovered a money scheme by one of the owners’ sons.
I don’t care about any of that now.
Resting forward on the table, I rub the bridge of my nose. How is it possible for a week to feel like a year? I’m sure it’s the lack of sleep, but will rest give me the clarity to know how to handle all this?
I have people I can talk to, but I already know what they’ll say. From my parents to my sister to my brothers, it won’t be about right or wrong. They don’t lay guilt on without a reason. They’d tell me to forget about what others think and follow our hearts. All that matters is what Liv and I decide is best for Max and for us.
I sip the espresso, wanting to feel normal, to feel like any part of my old self again. I’m still free to do as I please when I want to. I can date . . . I’m not an angel, but I never claimed to be. My sex life came to a grinding halt after that night in the Hamptons because I was hung up on her. It took time to get back on that horse, but I have a contact list full of names I can call any day or night.
None of that’s appealing anymore.
The truth rears its head. My thoughts are no longer jumbled. Rubbing my temple, I’ve come to terms with the fact that my life will never be how it was before last night. The thing is, I’m not interested in merging two lives. The only thing I want is to be a family with them.
A text from Liv brightens my idle phone.
Be there shortly.
I pick it up but don’t reply yet. Looking out the window, I notice the gray of the skyscrapers, the black exhaust from a passing cab, and the dirt on the streets, and I know things didn’t play out how they were supposed to. In an ideal world, I would have been there to celebrate the pregnancy, Maxwell’s birth, his first birthday, and his life. But I didn’t get that chance.
It doesn’t matter what happened, though, because I can’t get that time back, no matter how much I wish for it. What matters moving forward is how I can stay in their lives without turning this into a legal spectacle. She doesn’t want that either, so at least we’re on the same page.
I scrub my forehead while staring at the screen. It’s been a good morning. I don’t want to ruin the rest of the day. I have a lot to figure out and need to know how long I’ll be forced to keep her secrets. I want to tell my family. I want to tell the world about us. My feelings are set, but I don’t know where Liv stands regarding us and the idea of being a family.
A knock on the glass has me jumping in my seat. “Fuck me.” I’m hit with a glare. Eyeing the woman at the next table, I say, “Sorry.”
Turning back to them, Liv’s waving Max’s hand, and they’re both laughing. God, if only I could see this every day, I’d keep her secrets forever. Standing, I point at the door and say, “I’ll come outside.” Even though I know she can’t hear me, I down my drink and set the cup on the counter on my way out.
“Hey,” she says, so happy to see me that she’s beaming. “Cassandra is doing well, and her parents are staying at her place to take care of her dog.”
“That’s good news.”
“Yeah, it is.” Her eyes dip to the bag. “What’s that?”
I thought I’d give this to her later but now seems like a good time. “I got you something.”
“You did?” Her shoulders round as her expression softens.