Total pages in book: 105
Estimated words: 100301 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 502(@200wpm)___ 401(@250wpm)___ 334(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 100301 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 502(@200wpm)___ 401(@250wpm)___ 334(@300wpm)
This stubborn pup. I reached out and cupped his cheek. “If that’s supposed to scare me off, it didn’t work, and I know it wouldn’t with Jordan either. If it’s supposed to make me look differently at you, the only way it does is by making me respect you more. You did what you had to do to take care of someone you loved. I would have done the same. There’s nothing wrong with sex work. There are things I’ve done to make ends meet, and I don’t regret them. They’re all a part of my past.”
“I know. I don’t look down on sex workers, but…it’s not the same when it’s me. How do you do it, though—how do you dig yourself out of the hole? How do you keep yourself from becoming so fucking angry all the time? I don’t even know why I am. It’s just been getting worse and worse. Nothing has even changed. I’m just so fucking angry.”
“Things don’t have to change for how you feel to evolve. But, your life isn’t the same as it was. Look at the changes with Finley. You love him and want him to be happy. That’s not a question, but that doesn’t mean his happiness hasn’t hurt you somewhat. It was just the two of you for years. You’ve tried to take care of him, and—”
“He’s moved on,” Ian finished for me. “He left me alone…fuck. I hate myself for feeling this way. What kind of friend am I?”
“Hey,” I said when he tried to turn away. “Look at me.” Ian didn’t move, just closed his eyes. “Look at me, pup.”
He sighed and did.
“Good boy,” I said, testing the words with him. He wanted that, I thought. To feel like a good boy. “You’re only human. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Loneliness is one of the most normal human emotions there is. It doesn’t mean you love Finley less or that you don’t want what’s best for him. What you’re feeling is okay, but you got one thing wrong. You’re not alone. You haven’t lost Finley. You’ve gained Aidan. Jordan wants you. I want you. You just have to give yourself to us. We’ll help you carry the weight.”
“I…” Ian bit his lip, his eyelids fluttering, but not in that naughty I’m-trying-to-get-what-I-want way Jordan did adorably. “Thank you…Sir.”
My whole body overheated at that. “You’re welcome, boy. If that word didn’t feel right, you don’t have to use it. Or you can use it sometimes. I’m pretty lenient with that. I don’t mind alternating between my name and an honorific.”
“No. I think maybe it did. I don’t know. Like you said, I might not do it all the time. I’m tired. I just want to let go.”
“We’ll catch you.” I cupped his face again. “You made me very proud just now—telling me how you feel, being honest.” As good as this conversation felt, I wished Jordan were here to have it with us.
A light pink graced his cheeks. “Thank you.”
“It’s going to be so fun watching you bloom.”
Ian rolled his eyes. “Bloom? What am I, a flower?”
“Your Sir doesn’t like it when his boys roll their eyes at him. Just ask Jordan.”
“Oh God. This is so weird. I can’t believe I’m doing this.” Ian chuckled before adding, “I’m sorry for rolling my eyes?”
“Why did that sound like a question?”
“Because I have no fucking clue what I’m doing.”
“You’ll learn, but honesty, remember? If you want to walk away, tell us.” Ian nodded. “I’d also like you to do one more thing for me. I’m trying to figure out the best way to make it work, as you already have two jobs. I don’t want to put too much on your plate, but when I was in college, I volunteered. My first position was helping feed the homeless. God knows LA has no shortage of people struggling. And it helped, feeling that I was doing something good for others. I’d like you to consider it. I think it would give you something too.”
“I…okay. I’ll try.”
“Good boy. Now, what do you say we cut this jogging trip short. I left a beautiful, naked man in my bed who needs our attention.”
“Okay. I’d like that.”
I stood and held out my hand.
Ian rolled his eyes, then said, “Shit. I’m sorry. This is gonna take some getting used to.”
“I don’t expect perfection. I expect you to try. We’ll also need to have a discussion about things you’re interested in, and your hard limits.”
“Okay, but honestly, I’m not sure what I’m interested in.”
I helped him up, and we jogged back to the house. When we got to the door, I unlocked it, then tugged him closer. While Jordan and I had our fun on our own, and Ian and Jordan had gotten to taste and touch each other, I hadn’t been granted the same privilege with Ian. “Do you remember the colors?” I asked, and Ian froze, his eyes wide but burning with embers of a fire I planned to stoke to life.