Total pages in book: 74
Estimated words: 73828 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 369(@200wpm)___ 295(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73828 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 369(@200wpm)___ 295(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
He’s still looking into my eyes, awaiting my response.
“Nope,” I reply.
His gaze shifts from mine.
An impulse rises within me. One I won’t deny. I lean forward, grab the back of his head, and pull him into me.
He doesn’t push away. Doesn’t fight as I offer him a kiss. Not like the sort of frenzied kisses we exchange when we’re fucking. Softer. Gentler. More meaningful.
A warmth tickles at my cheeks as goosebumps race through my body from a familiar excitement.
I wrap my arms around him and pull myself closer to him. He wraps his arms around me.
I just want to hold him and be held by him tonight. I know that’s what he wants, too. That he’s all alone. And I’m taking advantage, but I’ll take Mark however I can get him.
17
MARK
Tim’s kisses offer the most comforting of sensations.
Each one is like a deep tissue massage. My muscles relax into the experience.
I lie across my bed, him on top of me. We’re fully clothed, and for the first time since we started doing this, I don’t need him out of his clothes or inside of me.
I need him to be here. I need to be close to him.
After we chatted about Becky, I wanted him to take away the pain and the hurt.
I can’t tell if he meant what he said about me getting the wrong idea. If he’s running a game on me now.
He pulls away and gazes at me, assessing my face.
His eyes glisten with the lamplight coming from my nightstand.
He wears a serious expression—one I can’t read, and I do my best to keep him from reading mine.
I’ve always known that he’s hot. These rugged features. The perfect length of his trimmed stubble. Those long dark locks that fall across his forehead when he’s hovering over me like this, his weight pressed against mine.
There’s something different about what I’m noticing tonight, though.
“Maybe this isn’t such a good idea after all,” I say.
His expression shifts to surprise. “What?”
“I don’t know that I’m doing this right anymore. I think I’m starting to feel…”
Why am I fucking admitting it? It’s too late for me to take it back, but before I can go on, he says, “Earlier, when you asked me if I was worried about you getting the wrong idea, I said I wasn’t, because you’re not getting the wrong idea.”
He leans down and kisses me again, and it’s the sort of kiss I can lose myself in.
And it’s even better than our other kisses, but maybe that’s because he’s given me hope that I’m not losing my mind. That what we share could mean more than whatever the fuck he had with Keith. That I’m not falling into that same trap.
Or aren’t I?
I break our kiss.
“Tim, please,” I say. “If this is some sort of game...I can’t handle it.”
Tim’s eyes are filled with concern. It’s time for me to be honest with him. It’s the only chance I have of protecting my heart. The only chance that maybe he’ll see he shouldn’t hurt me if that’s what he’s trying to do.
“When I was fifteen, I had a breakdown when my sister passed away. The day it happened, I went into her room and curled into a ball in the corner. I wouldn’t eat. Didn’t talk to anyone. My father gave me meds to keep me fucking sane. Or at least sedated and harmless. Until I could recover from what happened.
“Greg hurt me a lot, but because he made me feel like I was an idiot. I liked Greg, but that was it. I thought he was hot. We had decent sex. Not the kind of sex we have, but it was good for being new to it. When we broke up, I knew I could keep going. I don’t know that I can do that if I keep going like this with you. I’m worried I might lose my mind.”
He just gazes at me. I wish he’d say something, even if it’s a rejection. Even if it’s to tell me that I’ve taken this too far, and he needs out.
“I know this is a lot more than you bargained for,” I say. “But it’s gotten to the point where I think we either do something about this or I need to get out. I started seeing you because I was sure you couldn’t hurt me, but now…that’s not true, and I’m scared.”
“I won’t hurt you, Mark.”
He sets his hand on my face and strokes his thumb across my cheek. It brings me so much ease.
As I look into his eyes, I believe him, but am I just kidding myself like I did with Greg?
I hope not, because I’m not sure I can take it.
And from what I know of Tim now, I don’t imagine he could ever do that to me, but what if I’m wrong?