Total pages in book: 59
Estimated words: 55550 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 278(@200wpm)___ 222(@250wpm)___ 185(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 55550 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 278(@200wpm)___ 222(@250wpm)___ 185(@300wpm)
The problem with Wade . . . was me. I was the issue. When I went to college, I wanted to go to a place where I could grow without him. For as long as I could remember, we were Wade and Lemon.
Always together.
Always one.
I felt like I had no individuality and figured college would give it to me. At first, I hated it. I missed Wade terribly and phone calls weren’t cutting it. Each time one of us had a long weekend or vacation, we were together, but the end of vacation only worsened my longing for him.
For us.
One day, everything changed. It’s like I woke up and decided I didn’t need Wade in my life. I wanted to be independent but instead I was waiting around for him to call. Feeling like I had to call him suddenly felt like a burden. When you’re in college, life is supposed to be about self-discovery. The only thing that should matter is your grades. Not whether your boyfriend is going to call at noon on Sunday or wonder if you missed his call.
I didn’t want to live like that. At the time, I thought being single—and ready to mingle according to Leslie—was what college kids did. Why be tied down, especially in a long-distance relationship.
Other friends although now that I look at it, they weren’t really friends convinced me Wade was cheating. He was in a fraternity and all “frat boys” cheat. At first, I didn’t believe any of them, but then I saw the guys on campus. I saw how they acted. They were different when their girlfriends came to visit. Surely, Wade was doing the same.
Now that I think back, I fought with Wade intentionally. I initiated every horrible conversation with him for no reason other than people led me to think he would cheat on me. After I broke up with him, telling him I needed a break, I cried for days.
So did he.
The voicemails and texts gutted me.
Only I found out that the night we broke up he slept with Ana. Or maybe it was the next night. Either way, it didn’t matter because the damage was done. My friends at the time were right—Wade was a cheater.
Of course, I didn’t find out until I realized I missed him so much I wanted him to forgive me, and I called him groveling. It was then that he told me he was going to be a father. Leslie said, “At least he was honest with you.” She was right then and still is to this day. I couldn’t imagine pouring my time into rebuilding a relationship when he was having a child with someone else.
A child I feel should’ve been mine.
“What a horrible fucking feeling,” I say to myself as I enter the school. Out the side window I can see Wade standing there. He’s moving his hat back and forth—a clear sign he’s upset. I know his tells well. There isn’t anything I don’t know about him. Well, at least up until we stopped talking.
Now, he’s someone I’m still in love with but don’t know. We aren’t on the same page in life. He’s a single dad, while I’m bitter and resentful. And jealous of a little girl because so many parts of me wish I was her mom. Even now, when I dream of having a family, Wade is always there. He’s the one who my soul wants to be with.
Instead of heading into my office, I pull my phone out of my back pocket and text Jean to let her know I won’t be in for a few days; a personal matter. I need some time to myself. There are things I need to figure out when it comes to Wade Jenkins and my life in Magnolia Grove. Being a principal here might not be in my best interest. Especially if I have to see Wade every day. It’s bad enough the school board insists on giving him a contract each year, but now to see him with his daughter . . . I’m not sure I’m strong enough to handle it.
After going home and packing a bag, I send a text to Leslie to let her know I’m heading out of town for a bit. I’d tell my parents but they’re off gallivanting in their RV somewhere in the desert, living the life with cacti and snakes. No thanks. Kudos to my parents though for being adventurous.
As soon as I cross the imaginary line of Magnolia Grove, I breathe a sigh of relief. At least, that’s what I tell myself. It’s really a deep breath to try and keep myself from crying because that’s what I really want to do right now—bawl my eyes out—over the life I have missed with Wade. Surely, someone with a decent level of maturity would’ve been able to accept that her long-term boyfriend was having a child with a one-night stand.