Total pages in book: 143
Estimated words: 138287 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 691(@200wpm)___ 553(@250wpm)___ 461(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 138287 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 691(@200wpm)___ 553(@250wpm)___ 461(@300wpm)
Yes, Emily and The Violet Dame were polar opposites.
Did that mean I couldn’t be both?
It didn’t. I was both of those people. They lived inside of me, equal parts making up the person I was today.
Becky asked, “How have they survived all that has happened? How many women would have put up with what Connor has put Emily through? I mean, Connor must have a magical cocktapus for her to have forgiven him, right? Or,” the snake I remembered revealed herself as she stated, “maybe Emily is still the same frightened little girl she used to be, desperate for friends, eager-to-please oxygen thief she was back then.” Wow. Don’t hold back, Becky. “One thing’s for sure, ladies,” the nasty woman enlarged a photo from the yearbook. It was the one image that I hated, and I wasn’t surprised she saved it for last. I was Hermia in A Midsummer Night’s Dream and Caitlyn Moore had purposely done my makeup poorly. The foundation was brown on my porcelain skin and my eyebrows had been completely painted black. It hurt to see it. I hated that photo so much I’d yanked it out of my yearbook and ripped it up into a hundred tiny pieces. Becky’s arrow hit its mark when she ended with, “If this is who ended up with Connor Clash, there’s hope for us all. Anyway, thanks for watching, and don’t forget to subscri-”
I closed the video, cutting Becky off mid-sentence.
My stomach turned.
It was dark and quiet and deathly cold in our bedroom. I was shook. So much unkindness in the world. Today had not been a good day.
After a while, Connor gripped my knee again. “Baby?”
My response was instant. “I’m okay.” Of course, I wasn’t but it was something I needed to say out loud.
Jaw tight and head spinning, I slid out of bed and slowly walked across the room to the bathroom. I saw Roxie’s head lift as she watched me closely. Luckily, I made it to the toilet just as the bile rose and the next thing I knew, Connor was holding my hair back and whispering words of tender encouragement as I threw up the entire contents of my stomach and more.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Here comes the sun.
Emmy
I wasn’t okay.
The last three days had been chaos. Our phones rang constantly with notifications from social media, with friends calling to pledge their support, with media outlets trying to get the inside scoop. It was exhausting and overwhelming, and it wasn’t because I was upset. It was something else. Something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.
The night Becky decided to destroy me in every which way, Connor held me all night, letting me cry as he whispered that everything would be okay.
I remained quiet and thoughtful but the tears kept coming.
Would it be okay?
I wasn’t as sure as he was.
Inside me was such a deep-set sadness. A sadness that consumed me whole and at that point, it felt so unbearable that I was certain it would never leave me.
The following day, everything hurt. Every muscle ached, every breath was labored, every blink felt like sandpaper over my eyes. I stayed in bed as long as I could and Connor let me. After trying to engage me in conversation a few times that morning, my single-word responses were enough for him to understand that I needed space. He had no idea of the inner turmoil that was my mind, how this ordeal has sparked a thought in me that wouldn’t fade.
It was nearing 4:00 p.m. when I finally slid my sorry self out of bed. I put my hair up in a loose ponytail, threw on one of Connor’s hoodies and wrapped my arms around myself, knowing the inevitable was coming.
Connor and I needed to talk.
Making my way into the living area, I spotted him on the sofa, elbows on his knees, head in his hands. And my heart broke.
I had humiliated him.
It was a hard thing to come to terms with. It made me want to cry all over again.
He didn’t hear me approach and when I put a gentle hand to the back of his neck, he startled. I took a step back, away from him, and he noticed. His eyes were red and there was a slight blackness settling under his eyes. Yes. He was as unrested as I was. I was so sorry for that.
“We need to talk.” My voice sounded rough.
Sitting tall, he gave me a grave single nod. “We do.”
Here we go.
“I wish I could take it all back.”
Connor looked devastated. Absolutely distraught. “Baby, no.”
But I needed to get this out. “I wish it never happened.”
“Oh my God.” Connor closed his eyes and ran his hands down his face, letting out a grief-stricken, “I can’t believe this is happening.”
His reaction was confusing but I went on, my lips quivering with every additional word. “I know you have a reputation to uphold and I think I know where this is going but I just needed to say,” my voice cracked, “I never meant to humiliate you. I hoped my past would stay where it belonged. I am so sorry, Connor.”