Total pages in book: 106
Estimated words: 99949 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 500(@200wpm)___ 400(@250wpm)___ 333(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 99949 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 500(@200wpm)___ 400(@250wpm)___ 333(@300wpm)
I automatically reached into my shaving kit for the razor blade I’d used the night before, but once I had it out on the countertop, all I could do was stare at it.
It was all wrong. Whatever was raging inside of me had nothing to do with me. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and saw tears streaming down my face.
I hurt.
Badly.
But not for myself.
I didn’t feel ice cold, I felt hot. And helpless. And so fucking sad.
I shook my head in disbelief as it hit me.
“Lincoln,” I whispered before letting out a harsh sob. I stifled the sound by slapping my hand over my mouth. I felt my knees starting to give out, so I stumbled to the shower. Thankfully, despite the bathroom having an old-fashioned tub with a shower in it, Cam and Ford had updated the space to add a more modern walk-in shower. I faintly remembered Ford mentioning their plans to rip out the tub at some point and put in a freestanding one, but I didn’t really care about that at the moment. I didn’t need a good soak in a warm bath.
No.
I needed so much fucking more than that.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
LINCOLN
I figured every emotion known to man was wound in a tight knot in my belly as I worked to pop the lock on the bathroom door. Thankfully, it was one of the easy kinds where you merely needed to use the end of a paperclip to push through the small locking mechanism that would make the button pop open on the other side. Even though it took less than thirty seconds to get the door open, it felt like a lifetime, especially since all I could hear coming from inside the bathroom was the sound of running water.
Sure, it could be something as simple as Theo just taking a shower but after everything that had just happened, my mind couldn’t really settle on the most logical possibility.
When I’d awoken to find him lying across my torso, his ear pressed to my chest, presumably so he could listen to my heart, I’d felt emotionally wrung out but strangely content too. Like all was as it should be. I hadn’t cared that damp leaves and dirt were soaking through the back of my shirt or that I’d been gone from the house for much longer than I should have been. All I’d cared about was that Theo was still there. That his lighter weight on top of me had made me feel safe and protected. That his fingers had been exploring the hair on my forearm.
Telling Theo the truth about my past hadn’t really changed anything. Rabbit was still dead. I’d failed him by leaving him when he’d needed me most and again by not recognizing how much he was suffering while I’d been overseas serving my country. I hadn’t magically forgotten his cries of pain, his fears about the process of dying, his guilt over knowing what it would do to me. I still felt him in my arms as his final weak breath brushed over the back of my hand. I could still hear my own screams of anguish that I’d finally been allowed to release as I’d held my little brother’s lifeless body in my arms on the same day that we should have been celebrating his birth eighteen years earlier and welcoming him into the life of legally being considered an adult.
I still remembered every single fucking moment of that day.
All that pain and hurt and guilt were still there but I didn’t feel so alone anymore. I’d let that dam break apart but I hadn’t had to do it alone. Theo’s presence, his words, his touch… they’d made it real. They’d made it okay to start accepting all the emotions that had come with what the logical side of my brain had come to terms with a long time ago. And I hadn’t felt like I’d had to start putting that dam together again. I was flooded with so many emotions all at once that it would probably take a lifetime to sort through them all, but at least I had that now. Swimming was better than drowning and I’d been drowning for a long time.
As Theo had lain across my body, I’d been able to tell that he wasn’t asleep, and despite having only known him a couple weeks, I knew him well enough to know that his mind had to have been spinning with thoughts.
I’d been surprised by his answer when I’d asked him what he’d been thinking about. But from the moment I’d said Theo’s strength reminded me of Rabbit’s, everything had gone to hell. I’d felt Theo’s emotional withdrawal even before he’d physically moved away from me. I’d assumed he was worried I was going to make him tell me things about himself, especially when he’d said we should get back to the house.