Total pages in book: 106
Estimated words: 99949 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 500(@200wpm)___ 400(@250wpm)___ 333(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 99949 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 500(@200wpm)___ 400(@250wpm)___ 333(@300wpm)
“Theo, are you hurt?” I asked, though I barely recognized the rasp in my voice.
He didn’t answer me. He didn’t look at me. He just kept his eyes on whatever spot he found so fascinating. I doubted that he was seeing anything at all.
“Theo, I need to know if you’re hur—?”
“That’s not what you really want to know,” he quietly interrupted. His voice was flat, emotionless. “Ask the right question, Lincoln.”
I pulled in a shaky breath and tried to calm my nerves. “Did you cut yourself?” I somehow managed to get out. I was trying really hard to get into nurse mode, but I was once again that man sitting by the stream hoping a stray dog would show up so that I could find a tiny piece of joy on what had otherwise been a shitty day… until he’d come along.
“Yes,” Theo responded simply.
Before I could even ask, he lifted his sleeve. Parallel to the long line of raised, pinked flesh that still had some scabby spots was a large bandage. I recognized it as the same kind as the ones I’d used on his larger wound, only this one was considerably smaller.
“Aftercare already done, Nurse Ratchet. I figured you wouldn’t mind if I used some of the stuff from your medical bag.”
Instead of responding, I got up and went to the window seat. I sat down on the other end. Since the thing wasn’t meant for two full-grown men, it was a tight fit but that was fine by me. I used my booted feet to cage Theo in. I was pleased that the move made him finally react, even if it was him pulling his body into itself as tightly as he could. There were several feet separating our upper bodies but since Theo clearly hadn’t been expecting the move in the first place, he was still pretty rattled.
I didn’t care. I’d already crossed that patient/health care provider line a long time ago and I couldn’t go back.
I didn’t want to.
“How many times have you hurt yourself since that first night?” I asked bluntly.
Theo looked at me in surprise for a moment, then dropped his eyes.
Because he couldn’t get his mask in place… yet.
And I had no intention of letting him hide behind it. “How many?” I repeated.
He began fisting his hands and I knew he wanted to lay into me, either verbally or physically. He wanted to tell me it was none of my fucking business which, in truth, it wasn’t. Honestly, I didn’t care what the answer was. Theo was hurting now. Cutting himself tonight might have dulled whatever emotions had driven him to do it in the first place but those emotions, that pain was still buried deep inside of him.
I knew in my heart that he had a mountain of pain scarring his soul, stealing it away bit by bit. I couldn’t do anything about that tonight, but fuck if I was going to let him hide behind something I was likely the cause of.
No fucking way.
Not again.
“Every day,” Theo said as evenly as he could. He looked up at me, but I instantly saw the lie before he could mask it behind indifference.
“How many times? I want a number,” I said calmly even though I felt like I was being torn in two inside.
“Twelve,” he quickly responded.
Too quickly.
“Are you including what you did to yourself the last time I hurt you?” I asked.
Theo’s mask fell away. He shook his head in confusion.
“The morning after I moved you back to your bed and took out the IV because the infection had passed.”
I saw the moment Theo remembered what I was talking about because his eyes widened just a bit. I didn’t give him time to try and drop his mask back into place.
“I told you that you’d end up with a scar, but it wouldn’t be that bad, and then I waited to see what you’d say. That was the moment, right? The moment I lost the real you,” I softly asked.
Theo dropped his eyes, but I immediately leaned forward and used my fingers to lift his chin so that he was forced to look at me. “I hated that,” I admitted, my voice cracking a little despite my effort to stay in control. “That’s why I made up the excuse that I needed to go to my room to get my bag.”
“You knew you left it in my room?” Theo asked in surprise.
Since I wasn’t ready to explain to him why I’d had to escape his presence so quickly, I continued with, “I stayed in the bathroom. I heard you, Theo. I heard you hitting yourself.”
I was prepared when Theo tried to scramble off the window seat. I used my greater strength to my advantage and dragged him forward. He gasped when one of my hands closed over his ass and the other gripped his upper arm. I had him straddling me before he even realized it. His knees were on each side of my hips and he had his hands pressed against my chest. I’d raised my legs enough that they would prevent him from getting hurt if he tried to pull backwards. Both my hands settled on his hips but I kept my hold gentle so he could escape if he wanted to.