Total pages in book: 106
Estimated words: 99949 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 500(@200wpm)___ 400(@250wpm)___ 333(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 99949 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 500(@200wpm)___ 400(@250wpm)___ 333(@300wpm)
But I was already too far gone. As the calming darkness consumed me, I tried one last time to say the words that had always brought me comfort.
I’m okay.
Except that wasn’t what I said.
Not even close.
CHAPTER FIVE
LINCOLN
Lincoln.
He’d said my name on his last whisper of breath before he’d given in to the medication’s lure of peace.
It had been hours ago that Theo had spoken my name in that instant between wakefulness and sleep, but I could still feel the whisper of his breath against my cheek. I remembered the exact second his lips had grazed my skin for the briefest of moments as he’d said my name.
And I would never forget all the things he hadn’t said at the same time. His terrible fear of having no control over what was happening to him, the desperation to make sure he still didn’t trust me, but most importantly, the relief.
The goddamn fucking relief that I knew with every cell of my body that he’d been desperately waiting for.
I couldn’t even begin to make sense of what I’d been thinking when I’d pressed my lips against his cheek before speaking those forbidden words in his ear. I’d seen countless patients who’d been in even more pain as their lives had begun the inevitable journey to the end, but I’d always managed to remain detached while giving comfort. I’d had to be. It was the only way to do the job.
I sure as shit had never kissed them and showered them with very non-nurse-like words like sweetheart and baby.
But I’d also never felt like my insides were being twisted into knots by the cruelest of hands as I watched my patient suffer.
And Theo had been suffering. When he’d let go of the iron grip he had on his self-control, his body had finally been allowed to feel every hurt he’d inflicted upon himself for God only knew how long. Every slice of his skin, every denial of much-needed calories, every scream he’d never let loose, every tear he’d never let fall… they’d hit him all at once.
Hard.
I should have been able to dismiss my actions as a weak, foolish moment, but it was like the final words I’d spoken to him before he’d fallen asleep were a promise of some kind.
I’ve got you.
“Fuck,” I whispered under my breath as I ran my fingers over Theo’s much cooler forehead. The painkillers and antibiotics were doing their job. He was sleeping peacefully, and his fever had finally broken within the last couple of hours.
The relief of knowing Theo was out of the woods did little to lessen the knot in my belly as I grappled with the guilt of what I’d just done.
As the sun had started to break over the horizon, I’d heard the morning stirrings of the house as its residents began the new day, which had meant I’d had a job to do; just not the one I’d been hired for.
I’d had to face what was likely one of the few people in the world who truly cared about Theo and lie to him about why he couldn’t see his friend less than a dozen hours after their long-awaited reunion. While I didn’t know all the details about Ford and Theo’s relationship when they’d been kids, I’d heard enough to know that not only had Ford been excited about his friend’s visit, he’d also been very nervous.
And I’d had to tell him a bald-faced lie so I could keep my own promise.
Lincoln…
Fuck, who was I trying to kid? I hadn’t been worried about keeping my promise to Theo because that had been a no-brainer; I’d been worried about protecting Theo.
Not his secrets.
Him.
I needed to keep him here. In this house. In this place where he’d see that there were people willing to stand beside him.
Or in front of him if that was what he needed to deal with whatever demons were haunting him.
Hell, I’d be at the front of the pack doing my best to knock down each and every one of the fuckers long before they could ever touch Theo again.
Too close, Lincoln. Too close.
The ugly little reminder had me pulling my hand back and settling myself back into the chair that I’d slid as close to the bed as I could.
After telling Ford and Cam that Theo had a touch of the flu, I’d continued to play out the lie by donning latex gloves and a mask as I’d gone to check in on Walter and Lenny. Part of my morning routine with my crotchety patient was to do some stretches as he got out of bed so he wouldn’t feel as stiff. But when the old man and his lover had seen the protective gear and asked all the same questions Ford had, they’d shuffled me out of the room and told me to return to Theo. Before I could even protest, Lenny had given me a gentle pat on the arm before saying he would take care of helping Walter with his stretches.