Total pages in book: 39
Estimated words: 36070 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 180(@200wpm)___ 144(@250wpm)___ 120(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 36070 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 180(@200wpm)___ 144(@250wpm)___ 120(@300wpm)
“Please continue,” she whispered.
I swallowed thickly, my heart in my throat, and lowered my head, pulling one of her tight buds between my lips, suckling at her tender flesh before doing the same to the other. She was softly moaning, but she was still crying.
And I was hating myself more and more. Because while she was obviously feeling good, her mind was at war.
“Sophia…” I murmured.
“Please,” she begged me, her fingers tugging at my shirt. “I need this, Chase.”
Forcing myself to lock down what I was feeling, I continued down her body, removing the sweats she was wearing and baring her beautiful, curvy body to my eyes. Leaning up on my knees, I pushed my cut off and then pulled my shirt over my head. She watched through teary eyes as I unbuckled my belt and unsnapped my jeans.
“Sophia, if you don’t want this, you can say the word at any time, even if I’m inside of you,” I told her quietly. “I will stop,” I promised her. I cupped her cheek. “I’ll never do anything to fucking hurt you.”
“I want this,” she whispered.
But she didn’t say I want you, I bitterly reminded myself. And fuck, that cut deep. That was a wound I knew would fester and get infected. And if it ever healed, it would scar—badly.
I was a means to an end. And I fucking hated it. Hated myself for allowing me to be one.
After pulling on a condom, I lowered my body to hers and eased inside of her. She winced in pain, and I stilled, but she shook her head at me. “Please, Chase,” she pleaded, her eyes glassy with tears and pain.
Groaning, I finished pushing inside of her. She was wet, but God, I knew she had to be hurting. Those men had ripped inside of her while she was dry. I already knew there would be blood on my condom when we were done. My fists clenched beside her head as I gently eased out of her and pushed back in.
But even though that condom could be thrown away, the blood I would see on my hands every fucking day would never fade. There would be no removing it.
She clung to me, sobbing into my neck as she came undone. I held her tightly through it, squeezing my own eyes shut to push back my own tears.
“It’s okay, cupcake,” I whispered. “It’s okay.” I gently eased out of her and then rolled to the side, holding her in my arms. “I’m here.”
“Th-thank you,” she sobbed, clinging to me.
I brushed my lips to the top of her head, my chest aching, my stomach in knots. She was thanking me, but I wasn’t sure if I’d really done anything to help. It seemed I’d only made it worse.
“I’ll do anything in the world for you,” I reminded her.
Even if it might goddamn destroy me in the process.
Once I was sure Sophia was asleep, I slowly slipped out of bed and covered her up before pacing to the bathroom. Sure enough, there was blood on the condom, and I gritted my teeth, throwing it in the trash. Then, I scrubbed my hands, but I was right.
Even though realistically, there was no blood coating my hands, I could still see it there. Her blood. My skin crawled, and my ears began to ring. Vomit rushed up my throat as my entire body began to tremble.
I pushed the bathroom door shut and threw up, hoping it wouldn’t wake her. I’d killed so many men since being part of this club, I couldn’t keep count. Their blood coated my hands, too, but her blood was the only red I saw.
And it was fucking horrifying.
I retched again, but my stomach was too empty to throw anything else up. After brushing my teeth, I got redressed and headed downstairs, aiming straight for the wall of liquor.
I had plans to get so fucked up, I forgot about what happened upstairs for a few hours. And maybe once I was well and truly drunk, I wouldn’t see the red coating my hands anymore.
“Jesus fucking Christ, Chase,” Scorpion growled, catching me before I face-planted on the floor. I was swaying in my chair, too drunk to focus. I blinked at him, but his face was fucking blurry. I groaned and dropped my head to the table. “How much have you had to drink?”
“Dunno,” I mumbled, my words heavily slurred.
“Shit,” Scorpion muttered. He grabbed me beneath my arms and heaved me from the chair. I stumbled, slamming into him, but he managed to steady both of us. “Mark, help me get this fucker in a spare room,” Scorpion ordered. “Halo—coffee. Fucking STAT.”
My head was loopy, and the world was spinning as Mark and Scorpion dragged me to a spare room. My feet were too heavy to move them on my own. As soon as they deposited me on the bed, they pushed me into a sitting position. Halo put the steaming mug of coffee to my lips. “This is going to burn your mouth, brother, but drink it,” Halo ordered. “You’ve had way too much to drink.”