Total pages in book: 118
Estimated words: 106646 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 533(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 355(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106646 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 533(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 355(@300wpm)
28
BRIDGET
A'tam looks at me with so much incredulity that I almost want to laugh.
Almost.
An uncomfortable silence falls in the hut. Steph is totally silent, her expression placid and unassuming.
"What do you mean, you did not like it?" he asks.
"I mean…it wasn't…good."
"Which parts?"
"All the parts with your dick going into my body. The size, the way you used it," I gesture at him and shrug. "It was…unpleasant."
He recoils as if I've slapped him. "You lie."
I clench my jaw, determined not to cry. Haven't we been through this before? I say I don't want sex, he acts like I'm the crazy one, and then we go round and round with arguments. "Whatever."
Steph clears her throat. "Let me just step in and remind you both that when someone is holding the secrets stick, they are telling their private thoughts and how they feel. There are no truths or lies. Bridget is trying to tell you her perception of things, A'tam. It takes a lot of bravery to be vulnerable and open up, and I think Bridget is doing very well. Let's not shoot down what she says, all right? Let's listen with an open mind."
Man, she really does sound like a psychologist. Steph's demeanor is different today. Normally she's cheery and low-key, but this morning, she seems very serious and determined, and oddly gentle. Like she's focused on nothing more than steering us through our personal shitstorm. It makes me feel better about the situation, because let's be honest, A'tam is just making me feel worse. So, so much worse.
A'tam scowls at both of us. "My mind is very open. I just do not understand." He turns to me. "You like my kisses!"
"I do," I admit. "I've always liked your kisses. It's just…sometimes a girl needs more than few kisses before you shove your dick in. You just went to town on me and never asked if I was enjoying myself."
"You did not speak up!"
"I didn't, and that's on me. But maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if your dick wasn't so…so…" I gesture at all of him. "Big."
He tilts his head, astonished. "Big?"
"Gargantuan," I admit in a small voice. "Far too big for my body. And between those two things, I just thought I would call things off between us. That we weren't compatible in the furs. But we seem to keep coming back together, and now with resonance…" I trail off, gesturing at the two of us. "Here we are."
I never thought I'd be so miserable and conflicted over resonance.
"You think my cock is too big," he echoes, a frown on his face. "This is not possible."
I want to throw my hands in the air and give up. "This is why I haven't talked to you, A'tam. You never think you're the problem. Maybe I just didn't like sex with you?"
"But if my cock was not as big as it is, it would have been better?" he presses.
I look over at Steph for help, but she's silent, letting us hash things out. "I don't know! Maybe? Or maybe I’m just too small. Does it matter? The sex was bad—really bad—and I didn't want to do it again. I like everything about you, A'tam…but the sex. That's why I've struggled with things. I want you in all ways except one." And I gesture at his groin with the stick. "Unfortunately it's the one thing you seem to think with."
"Why did you never say anything to me?"
I fight the urge to roll my eyes. I should be glad that A'tam's not mad, or hurt. He just clearly doesn't believe me. That he can't be the problem in bed. It's never him, because he's perfect in his own eyes.
It's so damn maddening. "I have a hard time talking about things that make me feel like 'less.'"
"Because of your mother," Steph prompts.
I nod.
"I am not your mother," A'tam says.
"I know that. I just…don't trust people. Not that it matters—you don't listen to me."
"Of course I listen to you," he counters.
"I just told you that you weren't good at sex and you said I was wrong—"
"Because you are wrong," he agrees. "I am sure I am quite good. You said my enormous cock was the problem."
"No, I said there were two problems. Your enormous cock and the fact that you don't know how to use it!"
He shakes his head, all confidence. "That is not it."
I feel like screaming. "You don't listen!"
"Of course I listen, B'shit—"
I make a frustrated sound in my throat and I want to beat him with this stupid secrets stick. I shake it at his face. "There! Right there! There's another sign that you don't listen! My name is fucking BRIDGET! Not Bree-shit, not B'shit, Bridget. I have told you this a thousand times and you've ignored me a thousand times."
A'tam looks over at Steph, defensive. When she gives a mild shrug, he frowns. It's clear he was looking for a backup to take his side. He turns back to me. "I do not understand. Everyone calls you B'shit—"