Total pages in book: 69
Estimated words: 64847 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 324(@200wpm)___ 259(@250wpm)___ 216(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 64847 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 324(@200wpm)___ 259(@250wpm)___ 216(@300wpm)
I would have slept with him anyway, because I was really attracted to him. But I got what he was saying about needing control, and I understood the power dynamic that would come with money changing hands. To my surprise, the thought of it was actually a turn-on.
His proposition didn’t offend me, either. I had friends who’d been sex workers, and I didn’t think there was a single thing wrong with the choices they’d made. Wouldn’t it be hypocritical to think it was okay for them, but not for me?
And the money, damn. The amount he was talking about would be life-changing. I could quit my job, spend all next year traveling, and buy myself some time to think about what I really wanted to do with my life. That sounded so much better than throwing myself into school, or another dead-end job.
But it wasn’t just about the money. I really wanted Aleksei’s first time with a man to be with me, because I knew I’d take care of him. There was a lot of vulnerability beneath his tough outer shell. I couldn’t stand the thought of him finding someone else if I said no, and then having it turn into a negative experience.
This was something he’d thought about all his life. It was important, and it was about a lot more than just sex. It was a chance for Aleksei to finally discover who he really was, after repressing a huge part of himself for years.
It was hard to comprehend, since I’d been out forever and it was never much of an issue. But Aleksei’s experience had been vastly different. He was fifteen years older than me, so maybe in part, he was a byproduct of his generation. He’d also spent the first eleven years of his life in a different country, one which still wasn’t exactly known for being LGBT-friendly. Plus, he’d mentioned he’d been religious at some point in the past. No wonder he’d lived his life in the closet.
And knowing all of that, I could fully appreciate what a big deal this was to him. Hell, just telling me his history had been a big deal, because he wasn’t someone who opened up easily. It showed he really did trust me, and that was huge.
I was still mulling all of this over a few minutes later, when someone knocked on my door. I sat up and called, “Come in,” and Lark opened the door just enough to stick his head through.
“I don’t want to bug you,” he said, “so tell me to go away if you’d rather be alone.”
“No, it’s fine. Come in.”
He was carrying a plate of cupcakes with hot pink frosting and lots of sprinkles, and he put it on my nightstand and said, “I thought maybe you had a bad day, because you went straight to your room and stayed here. Cupcakes always make me feel better, so I brought these to cheer you up.”
“Thank you. That’s really sweet, but I’m fine. I actually had a good day, but I have a lot on my mind. I have a decision to make, and I’d actually love to get your opinion on it.”
“I’m happy to help.” He dropped into the red beanbag that was near the window and asked, “So, what’s up?”
I told him about Aleksei’s proposition, and he thought about it before saying, “So, you know I’m a former sex worker. It’s a little different, because I was a cam boy and did an Only Fans type of thing, but I can still relate. Obviously, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with what you described. You’re an adult, and what you do with your body is your choice. But some people will judge you for it, so you have to ask yourself if that would bother you, and if you’d end up trying to keep it a secret. It’s kind of tough to go through life like that.”
“That’s a good point.”
“The main thing, though, is digging deep and trying to figure out how it’s going to make you feel about yourself. We’ve been told by society that sex work is wrong, and maybe you internalized some of those messages without even realizing it.”
“I really don’t think it would make me feel bad about myself,” I said. “I wouldn’t announce I was a sex worker to random strangers, but that wouldn’t be because I was ashamed. It’d be because I didn’t feel like dealing with their holier than thou bullshit.”
Lark nodded and stuck his hands in the kangaroo pouch of his oversized, tie-dye hoodie. “Okay. Now here’s where it might get tricky. You like this guy, Timothy. I see the way you light up when you talk about him. But he’s offering you a job, not a relationship. Do you think you can leave your feelings out of it, and will you be alright when it comes to an end?”