Total pages in book: 362
Estimated words: 347293 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1736(@200wpm)___ 1389(@250wpm)___ 1158(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 347293 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1736(@200wpm)___ 1389(@250wpm)___ 1158(@300wpm)
“Yeah. I just need to talk to Rhain.” My heart thumped as I turned to the door but then forced myself to stop. “Thank you for talking to me. I…I know it didn’t make me feel better now, but I think it will.”
“It will,” she said. A moment passed. “I promise.”
Rhain looked up from the parchments he held as I all but burst into the chamber a few doors down and across the hall from Ash’s.
“Seraphena.” The skin between his brows puckered. “Has something happened?”
“No.” I quietly closed the door behind me and crossed the lamplit chamber. My eyes were glued to him, searching for evidence that I hadn’t hallucinated what my instinct told me. “I need to ask you something.”
“Okay.”
I sat on the cream settee across from the one he was seated on. “And I need you to be honest.”
His expression immediately smoothed out. “All right.” He placed the parchments down on the cushion beside him. “What is this question?”
I eyed him, spotting the sudden tension bracketing the corners of his mouth. “I think you know what I’m about to ask.”
Rhain folded a knee over the other. “It would be impossible for me to know what you are thinking or about to ask.”
“Not this time.” I leaned forward, keeping my voice low because I knew Ash was just down the hall. “And I’m asking you to be honest, not because I am your Queen, but because I am Nyktos’s wife.”
The lines around his mouth deepened.
“I haven’t fed him since I returned from Dalos, but there have been times when it’s felt like he’s fed. His skin isn’t as cold. He told me it was because his body was replenishing itself, but I don’t think that’s always the case.” I watched how Rhain kept his expression blank the moment I started speaking. “Have you been feeding him?”
The truth was instantaneous. It was in the slight twitch of his right eye.
My heart cracked. “You have been.”
Rhain paled. “You don’t—”
“No, I do know. I do,” I stressed, and Rhain fell quiet. “I’m not reading you. But, gods, I…I still know.”
His jaw flexed, and his gaze moved to the door. “It hasn’t been often.”
Another cut sliced across my chest. “Once is too many.”
Rhain’s head swung back to mine.
“And I’m sorry you had to do that,” I said, my heart twisting until my chest hurt.
His mouth dropped open. “You cannot be angry with him.”
“Oh, my gods.” I stiffened. “I’m not angry with him. Or you. I’m…I’m angry with myself.”
Rhain snapped his mouth shut.
“This is…” I rose, thrusting a hand through my hair. “I’ve offered to feed him, but he…” I dropped my hand to my stomach. “I locked up. And he…he knows why. That is my fault. I am his wife. It should—” My voice cracked. “It should be me feeding him. Taking care of him and providing for him as he does for me.”
“No.” Rhain scooted forward. “This is not your fault. It’s Kolis’s.”
“Maybe in the beginning.” I swallowed, looking at the door. I shook my head. “But…”
“Listen to me.” Rhain rose and stepped in front of me. “Whatever hang-ups you have with that? Not your fault.”
“I—”
“Shut up and listen to me.”
I snapped my mouth closed, my eyes widening.
“And I mean that with all due respect,” he tacked on, cheeks flushing pink. “Do you know how Kolis made Nyktos feed until he killed?”
Just hearing that sent a wild whip of anger through me. “Yes.”
“And do you know that, afterward, Nyktos would refuse to feed? For months. He almost made it half a year before he got so sick, so weak, that he was maybe one breath away from stasis. It got so bad, especially after Veses started paying him visits that we feared he would slip into stasis, and we wouldn’t be able to wake him. Or that he would be driven mad by bloodlust.”
The air left my body. I knew it had gotten bad, but not that bad.
Rhain’s eyes were an intense gold. “And I’m sure you remember how close he came to the latter the night the gods attacked you in the throne room.”
I nodded.
“He only started feeding normally again after you came into his life, and he had a hard time even then, which I’m sure you also know.”
I did.
“But if he has to feed from anyone else? Like while you were in stasis? He struggles to make himself do it. His hang-up when it came to feeding was due to what Kolis did to him—forced him to do,” he said. “Do you think that is his fault?”
“No,” I exclaimed. “Gods, no.”
His brows rose. “Then why the fuck do you think this is your fault?”
“I…” I closed my mouth. “Gods.”
“What?”
“You’re right.” I sighed and plopped back down on the settee.
He frowned. “You don’t need to sound so disappointed.”
I laughed hoarsely. “I’m not. It’s just…when it’s my fault, I can fix it, you know? I have control over it. At least, that is what I tell myself.”