Total pages in book: 50
Estimated words: 45548 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 228(@200wpm)___ 182(@250wpm)___ 152(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 45548 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 228(@200wpm)___ 182(@250wpm)___ 152(@300wpm)
I learned a lot from my time inside. Learned just how easy it is to infiltrate another human’s life and fuck shit up. There were many times that I could’ve used my skills to bring her down. I could’ve planted false information, could’ve broken into her school’s database and fucked up her grades. But I wanted this shit to be up close and personal.
I wanted to watch the life and light go out of her eyes as I’m sure it had out of mine. My only sustaining thoughts coming onto the end of my sentence with the absolute mayhem I was about to unleash on her fucking head. That shit was like food for my wounded soul.
As much as I learned about her, I learned about me. My life was never going to be the same. I mourned that shit for one day at most and put it behind me. The well brought up kid whose mother still brushed his hair back with her palm and kissed her cheek just for the hell of it even at twenty something, was no more. That guy died the day the prison doors closed behind me.
I could’ve fought to hang onto him, but he would never have been capable of the shit I had in mind for the ones who fucked me. No, he had to go. I learned not to dismiss females. They’re a worthy opponent and every last one of those fucks fight dirty and they fight to win.
The path I’d been on was closed to me now, so I had no dig another one. I wasn’t always clear on that, but I knew in my gut that no one would ever have control over my life again. I had to be clever to pull off what I had planned. It would take patience and discipline, but I had no doubt I could do it.
Fuck for five years all I had was patience and discipline, it’s the only way to survive this hell and come out looking anything approaching subhuman. Only criminals go in and out of jail without learning life lessons. I’m no criminal, just a man who got caught in someone else’s web.
I stopped trying to figure out the whys and concentrated on the how. Like how I was going to get to her without anyone knowing. How I was going to pull this shit off without burning my ass again? I came up with my own version of double jeopardy. You can’t convict a man for the same crime twice.
My biggest worry had been not to let it eat away at me. I needed to be sure that after I broke every rule I ever had when it came to the opposite sex, that I would be able to face myself in the mirror. It took a long fucking time to get there. But the fact that I even had the presence of mind to think about that shit gave me hope that all was not lost. That I had not become like the others around me who had already given up on themselves.
My life inside had been pretty much routine. I pretended to myself that this was no different than going away to college. There was no family around, my time was not my own, but in the end I would’ve learned something. That something for me was revenge and how to carry it out without getting caught.
The shit worked too, almost every day. Until the door clinked shut behind me at night and I was reminded that my freedom had been taken. Squandered at the whim of some girl I didn’t even know. That was my darkest hour. That’s when the battle for my soul was fought. When I had to harness the anger lest it overpower me and turn me into something I never want to be.
That was also when the new me was forged. I’d thought myself a man before. I’d served in the marines, fought in wars, seen death and made it out alive. But nothing makes you more of a man than when you face the worst that you can be and defeat it.
That came when I overcame the hate and settled on just plain old vengeance. Hate only defeats the hater, not the hated. It also weakens and leave you vulnerable. If I had any give in me before the number she did on me, it was gone, but I was the one in control.
Vengeance is a whole different animal. Vengeance comes and goes, it has an end. Hate tends to linger and gives you tunnel vision. Once I said fuck off to hate and focused solely on revenge, I was able to see beyond just her destruction, to the life I was going to have after the deed was done.
My plans may not be the same as I’d had before, but there was life after this. That shell that I’d built around myself in the past five years would never be broken. No one would ever get close enough to pierce that shit again.