Total pages in book: 13
Estimated words: 12035 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 60(@200wpm)___ 48(@250wpm)___ 40(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 12035 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 60(@200wpm)___ 48(@250wpm)___ 40(@300wpm)
Her eyes went wide and the thing on my lap piped the fuck down. Shocked the shit out of both of us. She tried taking the kid but the little princess of Hades stiffened up and refused to budge. I looked down at her and gave a little because her big bottle green eyes were in a pool of tears. “Hello!” My voice sounded like I was addressing my platoon but she didn’t seem to care.
“Okay so what is it that you want?” She shrugged her damn shoulders and stuck her thumb in her mouth. I looked at the clueless mother for direction. I’m not here to babysit either the kid gets her five seconds and bounce or she’s outta fucking luck. “Come on honey, tell the nice Santa what you want.” Not even she believed that shit.
“Princess Barbie and…” She had a long fucking list that’s for sure. I was glad when they left and settled in for more. Ma had been back and forth with her shit, appearing and disappearing without notice. Some little kid with a chip on his shoulder gave me the stink eye. His ass looked too old to be on this line, probably seven or eight. They were making them dumber I see. By the time I was his age I was staking out the fat fuck to prove to my younger siblings that he didn’t exist.
“You’re not even the real Santa.” This fucking kid. I didn’t answer him, what was I gonna say? He was telling the damn truth and I’m not into penalizing people for doing that, we got enough of that shit going around already. But when he just stood there saying nothing for way too fucking long I got jumpy. After doing tours in places where kids would smile in your face and blow you to fuck I don’t trust shit.
“The fuck you want kid?” Tough guy’s eyes were like saucers. He didn’t ask me for shit but he kept looking back with a strange look as he walked away. By the time four hours had gone by I was ready to hang this shit up. It was the most boring repetitive bullshit I’ve ever done.
The boys were mostly okay, but the girls wanted to have a long drawn out conversation. Like they were practicing for when they get older and become somebody’s annoying ass wife.
“Listen kid, I don’t need your whole life story, just tell me what it is that you want.” The one on my lap stopped mid sentence and looked like she was about to cry. I pointed my finger at her. “Suck it up, don’t do that shit in here in front of all these people.” For some reason she listened and spared my eardrums. Josephine was long gone and I wondered at which point she’d decided that I was doing a good enough job that she could leave.
Ma had gone shopping or some fuck because I hadn’t seen her in a good twenty minutes. Funny thing is, by the end of that first day I didn’t feel as awful as I thought I would. Some of those kids were funny as shit. Most of the parents should be locked away somewhere for abuse, but all in all it hadn’t been the mind fuck I’d been expecting.
I headed up to her office and by the time I reached it and was sure I was out of sight of ma I was back to wanting the fuck outta there. “This shit is hotter than fuck, my balls have been on slow roast for the last three hours.” I could see she didn’t appreciate my greeting by the way her lips went tight and her cheeks flushed. “Are you always this crass, rude and overbearing?”
“Pretty much, but more so when I’m put in a position I’d rather not be in. Now what’s the protocol on this shit?” I pulled the suit off. I had my jeans and a tank on under it. My sweater was somewhere back in the changing room with my jacket. She took one look at my tats and some shit on my body had her jumpy.
I started to ball up the suit but she got huffy. “Don’t do that, it cost a lot to get that just right. Take it back to the changing room and hang it in your locker, unless you want to take it home with you.” The look I gave her was answer enough. I noticed she didn’t stop looking at my shoulders and her eyes kept going down my chest to my belt. I looked down to see what the fuck had her in a dither. It was just my boy pressing against my zipper. He wasn’t hard or anything, they just don’t make pants and underwear that can keep my monster hidden from polite society. Not my fault I’m blessed.