Total pages in book: 114
Estimated words: 107756 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 539(@200wpm)___ 431(@250wpm)___ 359(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 107756 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 539(@200wpm)___ 431(@250wpm)___ 359(@300wpm)
I cried out, gripping the sheet, my toes curling as I came undone. His pace slowed for only a moment longer, filling me, before his eyes closed, and he stopped.
When his eyes reopened, his chest was rising and falling quickly. “I am not yet finished with you, wife.”
I was not sure what else was to be done, but I felt too good to care. “As you wish, husband.”
He laughed, falling onto the bed beside me. “Let me reclaim my wits first.”
“Where have they gone?” I teased.
“To you,” he said with eyes closed and a smile upon his face. “Always to you.”
I smiled, watching him, though my eyes, too, were heavy. “We are married,” I whispered and put my hand on his chest.
He took it and kissed my palm.
“That we are,” he replied as he kissed my shoulder. “And it is a miracle of the highest order.”
“A miracle?” I asked, snuggling closer to him for warmth, only to feel the sheet rise over me. He was on his side, watching me. “Did you not think we would ever be married?”
“After all that occurred, I thought the chance was lost to me forever,” he replied, his fingertips on my skin. “I even thought to pray that you would find another more worthy than I, though I also dreaded ever hearing such news. It was why I avoided the ton during the spring.”
“I stayed away from society,” I replied. “In fear of meeting you and your…late wife.”
“Is it cruel of me to say I did not consider her my wife? Nor did I take her as one.”
“You did not—”
“I did not,” he answered.
“Then for the last four years you…”
“Took matters into my own hands, as I refused anyone else,” he confessed. “I considered it my punishment.”
“So, no one else has had you?”
“I fear I am not all that innocent.” He chuckled, twisting a curl of my hair.
“So, you were a rake?”
“I was…I was…” He struggled for the word. “A man.”
I made a face, which made him laugh, then leaning over, he kissed my lips.
“Worry not, for you are the only one who shall know me as such.”
“You promise?”
He nodded. “With my hand on the Bible.”
I grinned, wrapping my arms around him and resting my head on his chest.
“I have a confession.”
“What?”
“It is an ugly one.”
“I am the last person to judge.”
“All this time, even when you were with someone else, I still wanted you. I wished— I cursed your former wife, wanting nothing more than for her to drop dead so that you could come back to me. I knew it was cruel and silly for me to think in such a way, but I could not help it. I told myself I was justified, as you were promised to me first. Then when I heard she had passed, I was…part guilt-ridden and part joyous, but sought to temper my expectations, believing you were hurt by the loss and still did not want me.”
It felt good to say the truth aloud.
“If you must confess, I shall also, so we may close the book on her,” he replied, his hands drawing circles on my back. “In the beginning, I hated Emma. I blamed her and her whole family for my misfortune—the mere sight of her enraged me. I avoided her, spending most of my time elsewhere. In the four years that I was married to her, I spoke to her as little as possible. I thought I had done enough. Part of me still believes that. However, my coldness toward her, the pressures of running an estate she knew nothing about, the weight of her guilt, the stress of motherhood, and the heartbreak Fitzwilliam had given her slowly drove her mad. I returned after she went into a fit. Some days, she was so still that it was as if she were dead. Other days, she tried to run away, to where I did not know. She would run through the forest like a madwoman, resulting in harm to herself, and we would search for her and bring her back. Eventually, I grew so tired of the embarrassment of her actions that I had her confined to the house and under constant watch, but that seemed only to worsen her condition.”
“The doctors could not treat her?”
He shook his head. “I sought many, but all they could manage was to calm her. And in that state, she would weep and apologize to me. Beg me for forgiveness. Explain to me how scared she was and how she had known no other way to save herself or her child. It was the first time we truly spoke to each other, and I was able to see her as a victim alongside me. I swore to her I would protect her child always. She confessed her sins on paper when her condition grew to the point where we both knew she would not last till spring. Her death was quiet. On my way to check on her, the maid came and told me she had gone in her sleep. I felt sadness for her loss of life but also some relief.”