Total pages in book: 213
Estimated words: 201920 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1010(@200wpm)___ 808(@250wpm)___ 673(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 201920 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1010(@200wpm)___ 808(@250wpm)___ 673(@300wpm)
I walked away six years ago, perfectly fine on the outside. Nothing happened to me. I was saved by circumstance. But what happened to Sam, not only that night but the weeks after, forever changed whatever it is that makes a person a person.
Death changes people.
So does hate.
That’s all I’ve been since Sam died. Hateful.
I know my hate came from fear, it came from regret. It was bred from sadness.
In six years, all I’ve been doing is suffering. Until I met Dean. It hurts. Whatever heaviness was lifted from my shoulders by my confession comes crashing back down tenfold.
“You can’t tell anyone, Allison,” my mother speaks with tears brimming in her eyes. She cups her hands around the sides of my face like a mother does and pleads with me. “They can’t know. Don’t tell them. Don’t give them a reason to blame you.”
“But Dean,” I start, and my voice is tight. The second I say his name, my phone rings.
DEAN
Exhausted isn’t even close to the right word. Terrified doesn’t do it justice either. Both are nothing compared to the concoction that flows through my veins as I sit here. Still, I don’t feel either. All I feel is the pain for my Allie Cat, sitting on the other side of the plexiglass wall.
“You only have ten minutes,” the guard reminds me before stalking off. I don’t turn to look at him. Instead I take in Allison, the darkness under her eyes and the dress that hangs delicately on her slender frame. Her hair’s brushed back and falls around her shoulders. She tried to look good for me. Although her mascara doesn’t stay in place when she wipes under her eyes before desperately reaching for the phone. One on her side, one on mine. There are eight other stations like this. Only two others are being used, though.
I don’t make her wait long before picking up the phone and breathing her name.
“Are you okay?” she asks but her voice is strained, and then she lowers her gaze, closing her eyes tight. Don’t look away. Please.
My hand against the glass brings her attention back to me and she’s quick to put her hand on the other side. As if magically the barrier between us would vanish at her touch.
She swallows thickly and tells me, “I know you’re not. I’m so sorry, Dean. I—”
“I’m all right,” I say, cutting her off and remind her, “I’ve done this before, you know.”
“It isn’t the same.”
“I know.”
“I’m so sorry,” she cries even though I shush her. She keeps saying it as she unravels in front of me.
Even on the phone, the sound of her swallowing thickly is audible. “Dean, I have to tell you something,” she says and her voice begs for mercy she doesn’t think she deserves.
“Is it about the case?”
“Yes and—”
“Don’t say a word.”
“I have to—”
“No.” My voice is sharp and her eyes strike me with both surprise and pain. As if the single word was venomous too.
“You won’t say anything here. Where there are other people who can hear you. record you.”
“Dean, you don’t understand,” she says then pulls her hand away from mine as she shakes her head, but I keep mine in place.
“I do. I understand more than you realize, Allie Cat.” My expression softens and when it does, hers mirrors mine, softening with a sadness. Her bottom lip trembles when I say her nickname and my throat goes tight as I swallow down the pain of it all.
“Give me something I can dream about in here and I’ll make whatever it is come true when I’m out,” I tell her and even though it’s spoken like a command, I’m desperate for it.
The tips of my fingers slip on the glass and they get her attention. She’s quick to put her hand back and her head drops down, her eyes never leaving mine, though.
“Don’t let me see you sad, Allie,” I say, consoling her in a whisper over the phone. “I need something to dream about.”
Removing her hand for only a moment to wipe under her eyes, she sniffles and then tells me, “I miss you in bed at night.”
“Oh yeah?” I comment with an asymmetric smile and she heaves in air, attempting to keep herself from crying although it doesn’t work.
My heart breaks a million times for her and it’ll break a million more with every tear she sheds.
“I miss you too. At night and always. I miss your sassy mouth and stupid jokes.”
She huffs a laugh and wipes her tears again. “Mine aren’t stupid, yours are stupid.” Her rebuttal makes both of us smile.
“You should get a big pillow. Like one of those long ones while I’m gone.”
“Dean.” She says my name like it pains her, closing her eyes tight.
“Look at me, Allie Cat.” She responds to my command without hesitation, waiting with her lips parted and her body at the ready.